Page 88 of Soft Flannel Hank

Esther couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out. “I’m so tired of making you uncomfortable and ruining everything for you. I should just leave you alone in peace.”

“Peace?” His voice was a low, rough thunder, like boulders rolling down the mountains.

She sniffled again.

“Peace?” he repeated, louder. Stronger.

“Yes, peace! I’ve ruined everything for you. And I can’t stay away from you. I can’tstopwanting you. And you might want to want me, too, but it doesn’t matter because you don’t want me enough to let go of how scared you are.” She took a deep breath, gasping now. Another. “You should go.”

Esther couldn’t see his face in the darkness, but she imagined his scowl anyway.

“You can go back to World’s End tomorrow. I’ll stay here. Maybe Jory can come get me in a few weeks. And then I’ll be gone. Out of your hair.”

* * *

Esther’s sobsechoed in his ears, his body clawing against his own restraint. He had these primitive instincts to maim anything that made her cry or threatened her. Buthehad done this.Hisgoddamn brokenness,hisrefusal to let her close.Hehad made her cry.

In that instant, he felt the situation settle with perfect clarity—the past like heavy sediment at the bottom and the future the bright sun shining through the water in which he stood.

He could go to her. He could hold her. He couldkeepher. Or try to, anyway. He could love her and let himself be lovedbyher. He could be happy. Hewouldbe happy.

It was so close, so possible. If only he reached out and took hold of it.

Or he could go back to the couch and spend another sleepless night staring at a ceiling that didn’t have Esther MacLaren under it. He could leave her at the cabin, safe, and go back to World’s End. Go back to haunting his own life, drifting around his house like a ghost with unfinished business that it can’t solve. He would have hispeace, as she’d put it. And peace would look like existing within the empty shell of himself because all of the things that had made him feel at all human anymore would have been left behind with her.

“Fuck this.”

He stomped back into the bedroom and, in five steps, was looming over her. He heard her shift to look up at him as he bent in half at his waist, his hands bracketing her head. He felt her thick curls trapped under his palms and curled his fingers around them.

“Peace?” he barked. “Peace? What peace? I haven’t had any fucking peace since I met you!” Hank said, his voice a rasp. “And I never will again!”

She sobbed and his whole body tensed, that primal, animal urge to kill her tormentors burning hot in his brain. But, again,hewas her tormentor.Hehad made her cry. And he couldn’t hold her if he used his hands to tear himself apart.

“You—“ Hank swallowed thickly. “You came here and you kissed me and you made me feel like maybe I didn’t have to be a ghost in my own goddamn house. Like maybe I could… have a life again. You— goddammit, Esther.”

His breath was heaving, sawing in and out of his body as he loomed over her. “I’m not going to leave you. Not tonight. Not ever. Because I’m yours. And I’ve been yours since the moment I first laid eyes on you in that goddamn diner.”

Hank fell to his knees on the floor and held her face in his hands as their lips collided. Her arms wound tightly around his neck, levering her body up to half-sitting as he devoured her mouth. All of their past kisses, all of that frenzied energy, paled in comparison to the desperate wildness he felt right now. It wouldn’t be enough to get inside of her. He wanted to climb straight through her.

Hank pulled away from her just far enough to talk. Esther’s breath feathered across his beard. “And you’re mine. Do you understand me, Esther? You’re mine.”

She nodded, her nose bumping against his. “Yes. Yes. All yours, Hank.”

They came together again, their kisses frenzied and rough. Teeth clicked against one another and Hank felt himself gasping for air. He pulled away from her, still on his knees, and reached behind his neck to take off his sweatshirt. The room was chilly, but he was burning up. Esther always made him burn.

“You want me?” he asked. “You want me in this bed?”

“There’s a condom in my backpack” was the only response he got.

Hank smiled. He liked that about Esther. Helovedthat about Esther. She always got right to the point

Condom in hand, he returned to the bed. He put it on the nightstand and pushed down his sweatpants and boxer briefs. As he slid into the bed next to her fully clothed form, he realized that he’d never been naked with her before. There was a flicker of hesitation in his mind. What if she didn’t like—

“God, I love this body,” Esther whispered as she pressed herself against him nose to toes and he was lost in her kiss again, that flicker of insecurity snuffed out as Hank took Esther’s curves in his hands and ground his erection against her.

“I showed you mine, now you show me yours.”

She snorted as she laughed. That sound he’d craved since he heard it in his house the other day. “Technically, you haven’t shown me anything. It’s pitch black in here.”