Page 12 of Soft Flannel Hank

He felt his shoulders stiffen, and he dropped his gaze back to the strings on her hoodie, one longer than the other, the plastic cap missing from the short side and the string fraying.

“When was the last time?” she asked, obviously curious.

“Not since my ex-wife left me,” he said through gritted teeth, desperately hoping she would leave it alone.

“When was that?”

“Forget it,” he said, reaching down and pulling the recliner lever, sitting them both up. But Esther wasn’t going to let him run. If anything, she settled her body more firmly on his lap.

“How long have you been alone, Hank?”

“I don’t want to answer that.”

“Why not?”

She wanted the truth? Fine. He would tell her the truth. He would show her where the jagged edges began, and she could follow them like a road map to the trash heap that was his former life.

“I don’t want you to think I’m some pathetic loser. I mean, I am. But right now I can pretend you don’t know that. But if I tell you that I haven’t slept with anyone in seventeen years, then you’ll know it for sure.”

He looked to the side, out the window and into the night, waiting for her to get up and leave.

And so he was surprised, yet again, when Esther pulled at his shirt, towing herself closer to him. Surprised when she took his face in her hands and, with gentle pressure, coaxed him into looking at her. Surprised when she said in that soft, honey voice, “Hank, you’re many things. But I don’t need to know you very well to know that pathetic isn’t one of them.”

He shook his head. Just because she said it didn’t make it true.

“I mean it,” Esther continued. “Besides, I just met this great guy and he’s been really sweet and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t call him a loser.”

He looked at her. Just looked at her.She was talking about him.

“I’m sorry if you weren’t really ready for this or if this was a lot for you, Hank. IfIwas a lot for you,” he heard her say through the ringing in his ears. “I’ve been told before that I’m too much. And not in a good way. I—”

“Stop,” he bit out with more force than he intended. He took a deep breath and said, softer, “Just stop.”

He placed his palms against her bare thighs, squeezing gently. “That was the best I’ve ever had. You—” He swallowed. “Youwere the best I’ve ever had. And if anyone ever told you that you were too much, about anything, well, they were just too small to handle you.”

Her face looked soft and lovely in that dim yellow light from the driveway. “But you’re not small, Hank. Are you?”

“No,” he said, swallowing thickly again. “No, I’m not small.”

Esther smiled. He felt that smile on her lips as she kissed him slowly but deeply, as he felt himself falling under her spell again.

“Will you stay with me?” he asked her, their mouths barely separated, foreheads pressed together.

“No.”

“No?” Hank repeated.

“No,” she whispered.

“I—” he started, but the words died. She was letting him down easy. She was being kind. Of course she was. Shewaskind. “I understand,” he croaked, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see the pity on her face.

“Hank,” she said gently, her palm pressing against the racing beat of his heart. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter.Just go. Just let me take you home so that I can disappear. Please.

“Hank, can you please look at me? Please?”

It was the secondplease, the slightly desperate sound of it, that forced his eyes open. She was smiling.

“I have a tendency to burn things to the ground entirely by accident because I was so focused on the spark that I didn’t notice the house fire. I—I’m trying to not mess things up before they have a chance to get started. You know? I realize that’s a hell of a thing to say sitting on top of you with my bare ass out.” She smirked. “But I’m starting from scratch here. New life. New me. Fresh start. And I… like you. I like you, Hank. So can we go slow? From here on out?”