Page 9 of Tell It To The Waves

Hitting accept, I put it on speakerphone.

“Hello,” I say, exasperated, already.

The other line is quiet until it’s not. The word feels so loud, even though it’s spoken softly: “August.”

My breathing spikes; words are stuck in my throat, clearing it, I say, “Yes.” I know who it is; I’d forever know that voice.

“It’s Bo,” he says, like I wouldn’t know his voice in the dark. “Kate told me you’re back on with us putting the cottage up for sale for you.” His words are hesitant, maybe scared I’ll freak out again.

My hand has a vice grip on the phone. “Yeah.” It seems like I can only get one word out at a time.

“We need to get some papers to you that you need to sign and get back to us before we can list the cottage.”

My face morphs. I don’t want to go back to sign these papers.

I think, but never say the words.

“I know this is hard, August, but we’re here to help.” His voice cracks a bit, but I act like I didn’t hear it or heard the voice that belonged to my Bohdi.

“Okay, let’s get this going. And can you email me the documents?” Hoping he says yes.

“I can get them over to you today.”

I give him my email address, and it’s just like a normal business conversation, which felt weird and not right.

When we hang up, I feel like I can breathe once again.

My hand unclenches the phone, the indentions of it tattooed on my hand.

“What the hell am I doing?”

They take no time to send me the email, scared I’ll back out again. I go through them, sign the documents, and send them right back, wasting no time.

My shoulders feel heavy, or maybe that’s my spirit. Because my soul and mind are currently at odds. My brain tells me this is the best thing, but my heart does not agree.

Shutting my sliding door blinds, I crumple onto my sofa, turning on the TV. In an instant, I have DoorDash pulled up on my phone and am ordering Chinese and doing a double-dash forice cream and chocolate chip cookies because I’m not in the right mindset to make homemade ones.

The TV plays without me paying attention, serving as background noise as I drift off, until my doorbell rings, startling me.

Jumping up, I’m met with my DoorDash sitting at my door.

Throwing the ice cream into the freezer, I take the bag of Chinese food and cookies back to my sofa.

As I eat, I look around my apartment, feeling nothing for it. Maybe I can sell the cottage and then let this apartment go, find myself an actual home, somewhere to lay down roots, finally.

Taking a bite of my egg roll, I shake it, agreeing that that’s a good idea. I look at the picture of my mom and dad on their wedding day, which now adorns my bland TV console. “I need you two to help me. Help me a bit, guys.” I pray before taking a bite of my chicken fried rice.

I lay in my bed, full and cuddled with Luna. The only sound is my machine that plays wave noises. Even after all these years and the shit I went through, the waves are the only thing that lulls me to sleep every night. My one comfort. And almost every night, I talk to them. They don’t talk back, just listen and let me get out what I need to get out. Weird, but it’s what works for me.

CHAPTER SIX

“What do you mean?” My voice sounds a little manic to myself.

I can hear her blow out a breath. “I had Bo go over and take some pictures and finish what I didn’t, but he walked into a mess.”

I’m so confused. I rest my arms on the counter, looking at the time; too early to drink. Nice.

“A pipe burst in the main bedroom. Flooding engulfed the whole room, and the roof collapsed. It’s bad.” Mrs. Williams pauses. “I’m sorry, August. I know you were ready to get this done. But this is a huge step backward. We can’t list until we fix the room and figure everything out.”