Page 10 of Tell It To The Waves

“What should I do?” I ask her with a groan because, honestly, I need help.

I hear her rustling, knowing she’s laid up somewhere. “I’d recommend getting to Driftwood, taking a look, and then finding someone to come fix it. We do have a contractor, Kai Westmore.”

Rolling my eyes, because great, of course Bohdi’s brother is the contractor on the island. “Okay.” What more is there to say? If he’s the only one there, then I have to use him. Opening my mouth, the words don’t want to come out. “I’ll head that way here soon,” I finally manage to say.

“Again, I’m sorry about this, August.”

“Thanks,” I force out.

We hang up, and I stand in my kitchen, absolutely annoyed and in disbelief. I was so close to being done. So damn close. Tossing my head back, I mutter, “Seriously.” Tears come to my eyes, but I hastily wipe them away. “Not now,” I scold myself. We have shit to get done and being a baby about it isn’t going to help me.

I do everything in record time, pack an overnight bag. I grab for my bikini, but stop. Second-guessing, but I pick it up and stuff it in my bag. Maybe, I tell myself.

After making sure Luna’s food dispenser is full, she has plenty of water, and her litter box is cleaned, I bend down and pet her. “I’ll be back. Be a good girl,” I coo at her as she rubs my leg.

The entire ride to the ferry, I try not to think of the cottage and what I’m walking into. So, I roll down my windows and blare music, needing to engulf myself in something else. WhenManchildby Sabrina Carpenter shuffles on, I scream the words, having a solo car concert.

Pulling onto the ferry, I do my normal routine. Park, undo my seatbelt, set the parking brake, all windows down, doors unlocked and car off, and try to calm my nerves for the ride to Driftwood Bay.

Busying myself, I scroll on my phone, going back to Driftwood Marina’s Instagram, clicking the pinned post. Kai is tagged in the photo, so I hit his username. His page pops up, andI can’t help but smile. He looks so happy. And there are so many pictures of Baylee; you can tell he’s obsessed with her.

After I left, I blocked everyone, and my page went private. I didn’t want anyone to be able to check in on me.

He has Baylee tagged in his bio, so I click her name. Hers is private. Of course, it is. I giggle. My finger hovers over the follow button, but I immediately go back to Kai’s page.

Curious, I check if Bohdi is tagged, but he isn’t. Searching Kai’s friends, I don’t see a page for Bohdi.

Scrolling down Kai’s pictures, I get to the year I left.

Squinting, I see myself in the back of the picture from that summer, and it’s on that night.

You can see I’m talking to someone, my head bent down as I stand over them. The picture doesn’t show them, only blurriness, but I know who it is; it’s Bohdi.

That night I was so angry. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. Grief overtook me, and even a year later, everything was still so screwed up. Bohdi did his best, but his best wasn’t good enough for me. He finally talked me into going to the bonfire on the beach, and I agreed after he begged. Once we got there, I didn’t stop drinking. I was taking anything and everything people were handing me. Bay tried to get me to stop, but we got into a fight, too.

“You want to drink your sorrows away, August? Do it. I’ve tried to be here for you, but you keep pushing me away. I don’t think you want help. You want to be fucking miserable.” Her words were laced with hurt and venom. And they stung because she was right. But also, that wasn’t my best friendspeaking to me. Baylee was battling her own shit, but I was only focused on myself. I didn’t think I deserved to be happy anymore. And at that moment in my life, if I wasn’t in a good headspace, then no one should. I was young, stupid, and hurting from the loss of my mother.

“Fuck you, Bay,” I scream at her before storming off down the beach. The bonfire became just a glimmer in the distance, and I kept walking. To where, I didn’t know or care.

“August!” My name being yelled down the shore stops me for a moment, but then I take off running.

“Go back, Bohdi. I’m done,” I yelled out, flinging sand with each push of my legs until they burn, and I fall onto the sand, heaving. Each hand picks a fistful of it up, throwing it at him as he gets closer. “Just go,” I cry out, falling onto my back. Staring up at the stars.

He stands over me and slowly bends down. But I roll over onto my knees, picking myself up. Sand all over me, my hair stuck to the tear stains on my face.

“I wish you would just let me in, August,” he pleads, but I don’t want to hear it.

“I can’t,” I cry to him.

“You can, and I would help you. I just need you to want me to help. I’ve been doing this for the last year and,” he pauses, walking toward me, “I’m tired.” Those two words came out in a whisper.

My hand connects with his bicep, pushing him. "No one told you that you had to be here, Bohdi."

The moonlight casts enough light for me to see his face, his downcast eyes. The hurt marring them.

I feel the ring digging into my finger. And without thinking, I take it off. “I don’t want to do this anymore.” I toss the ring at him and he barely catches it. I watch as he places it in his board shorts, zipping the pocket; he won’t look at me. I can see a tearrolling down his cheek. And I know I have to do it. I have to. I can’t bring him down with me. He deserves more than a grief-ridden fiancé. He deserves the world. And at the moment, I’m burning mine to the ground.

“I don’t love you anymore. I haven’t loved you in a long time, Bohdi. It was just normal, and I don’t like new. But I can’t lie anymore.” I lie to him; it’s breaking my heart, but I love him so much I can’t drown him with me.