Page 58 of If the World Was Ending
“I’m not in… in love with him. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Colby’s voice was so loud that Ford immediately shushed him. “Jesus fucking hell. Ford, why the fuck are you doing this? I’m not feeling well. I think I have food poisoning or the flu. It’s hot in here, right?”
“No. Not even a bit.”
“Jesus…” Colby rubbed the back of his neck, which felt prickly.
“Colby, are you gay?” Ford asked and then lifted both hands up like he was being robbed. “And before you answer, know that I am not judging. I just think you are, and I need to know to protect you.”
“You just said you’d dump me. Dump Tidal. So no, I’m not.”
Ford huffed. “That’s not what I said. I said if you’re in love with Hunter and can’t keep that to yourself, and can’t date Hannah, then I can’t help you. And the band will fail, and I need to focus on other acts because I’ve got everything invested here too, Colby. I gave up my job, my relationship. Everything.”
“Your relationship?” Colby echoed, and he tried to figure out what kind of person dated Maxwell Ford. Were they younger? Older? In the industry or trying to be? Or did they live a normal life? Could a guy who managed a music venue and spent every night out with bands be dating a middle school teacher or something?
“Yeah. My boyfriend dumped me when I didn’t come back after the original tour dates,” Ford said, and Colby’s jaw fell open. He didn’t even try to stop it. “He thinks I’m gambling too much going after this manager thing anyway. He thought our future would include moving to Oregon, buying a Chipotle franchise, and raising kids.”
“He… he did?”
“Yeah. He. See, I wasn’t lying when I said I was bisexual,” Ford said with a small shrug. “I’ve had significant sexual relationships with men and women. And you?”
“I haven’t had a significant relationship with anyone. Not romantically,” Colby admitted, the rising agitation slowly subsiding, along with his nausea. “And before you ask, I’m not a fucking virgin or anything.”
“So, you’ve had sex… with men?”
“No. Women.” Colby replied. “I mean… depending on how you define sex.”
As the words left his mouth, Colby felt something lift, making his chest feel less tight. But his gut dipped with a jolt of panic like he was on an amusement ride. Ford just nodded. Colby decided to keep talking. “My dad is a retired pro baseball player. I was not on his bingo card when it came to what he expected, or wanted, in a son.”
“Ah yeah. The jock who is gravely disappointed when his sperm produces boys who don’t want to be exactly like him, or even worse, girls.” Ford’s mouth lifted in a wry smile. “Mine was similar.”
“Yeah, although he probably would have loved a girl more than me,” Colby admitted. “And I couldn’t fake it —how bad I sucked at baseball, football, and basketball— and he couldn’t fake how much it disappointed him. So, I repressed the one thing I could, which was… wanting to be with guys.”
“But you’ve been on your own a while now, right?” Ford asked. “Like not living at home.”
“I moved to LA the same day I graduated high school, yeah, but…” Colby felt shame, and he fucking hated it. “I don’t know, I just… I didn’t want to prove him right, so I kept avoiding figuring it out. But… now… I think I’ve figured it out.”
“Yeah.” Ford nodded. Colby was sweaty, and his pulse was racing, but he’d just come out to someone for the first time. Mostly. Ford sighed and sagged again, his shoulder back on the door frame. “I’ve gotta be the asshole that asks you to pretend you haven’t figured it out. At least for a little bit. And trust me, I hate myself for that. But I want this career for you as much as you want it. You’re so fucking talented, Colby. Honestly. You can have it all. You just have to want it enough to play along. Do you?”
Ford’s eyes searched his. Colby looked away, staring at himself in the mirror. This was why he left home. This was why he spent seven years in shit jobs living out of his van before he met Hunter. And it wasn’t like Hunter was going to give up his shot for… Whatever the fuck they’d done together. Proof - Hunter bailed on the Boston visit to take a job. Colby understood, of course. Truly. He did. He wanted Hunter to be the most famous actor on the fucking planet. And if he had to pretend-date another actor to do it… Hunter would probably do it. And Colby wouldn’t fault him. Much.
Colby nodded. “I want this career. I want it. I’ll do whatever.”
Ford sighed with relief and smiled. “Good. I’m gonna go smoke this and do some tequila shots at the lobby bar. Wanna join?”
“No. I need to sleep.” Colby said and swallowed, but his throat was the Sahara. He walked to the mini-bar fridge while Ford headed for the hotel room door. “I’ll text Burke, and I’ll send you details on the Canada thing.”
“Cool.”
It was over an hour later when there was a gentle rap on his door. It was after one in the morning, but Colby was awake, lying on his back in bed, staring at nothing. He rolled out from under the sheets, pulled on his sweats from his open suitcase in the corner, and crossed the small space. Through the peephole, he saw Hannah. He pulled the door open. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah. I just… I couldn’t sleep,” Hannah said kind of sheepishly. She had changed into shorts and an oversized hoodie. She didn’t have any makeup on, which made her look younger than her twenty-seven years. “And I thought we should talk.”
“I wasn’t sleeping either,” Colby said and widened the door opening so Hannah could slip inside. He closed the door and followed her into the room. “Ford gave me the lowdown.”
“It’s strange if you aren’t used to it. I know.” Hannah sat on the edge of Colby’s messy bed. She slipped out of her flip-flops and pulled her legs up, resting her chin on her knees.
Colby sat in the chair across from the bed, extending his legs and dropping his ankles on the bed next to her. He was sagging down in the chair, almost fully reclining. His hands fanned over his middle protectively.
“Why me? Why not Kenner or Trevor?” She made a face when he said Trevor. Colby, knowing he could trust her, gave a sheepish smile. “Okay, but Kenner? He’d be a great fake boyfriend.”
