Page 175 of The Exit Strategy
“Marcus will be okay—more than okay. You did that, Juniper. You can do incredible things, baby sister. And you can do even more when you remember to let us all in.”
“What are we going to do about Tommy…and the house? The loan?”
“Tommy will never hurt you again. He’ll pay for his part in this one way or another. The loan, we’ll work out as a family. And the house? That’s completely up to you.”
I can’t speak, and thankfully, when he reaches across the space to squeeze my hand, I don’t have to.
“Life is going to be…messy for a while. But we’re all here, right behind you, with the tools to help sweep it all away. All you have to do is let us.”
“O-okay.” I drop my head to his shoulder because I don’t want to cry anymore.
“I’m going to stay over here tonight,” he says against my head.
“You can have my bed.”
“No. The couch is fine.” It’s not. It seats two people, but his tone is final, and I’m probably not going to win.
Outside the window, Cole’s porch light is on, and he’s still there.
I can’t see him from this angle, but I feel him.
“I’ll get you some blankets,” I say, easing out of my brother’s comforting hold.
When I return, Nolan’s at the window, staring out into the darkness.
“Can I tell you one more thing?” he says. “Then I’ll shut up and let you sleep.”
My hands clench in the blanket. “Sure.”
“Cole has been on that porch since he returned home. He hasn’t slept, he’s pissing in his bushes and only changed his clothes because Hudson muscled him into the outdoor shower and soaked his tux. He’s been sitting there, with all of us coming and going. He’s forcing Hudson to bring all the files outside so they can work. He’s attempted to send everyone to you because he thinks you need us more, andhe hasn’t come to you because you asked him for space. But…he’s hurting too.”
“Don’t, Nolan.”
“I’m not telling you to forgive him. I’m not telling you to do anything. I’m just telling you what’s true because he spent six years culling the information you received, and I’m not going to follow that pattern. But honestly, I don’t think he will either. My job as your big brother is to give you all the information and then support you in whatever you decide.”
I didn’t know that your lungs could actually tremble, but it feels like mine are now. “What’s true, Nolan?”
“He’s across the driveway, breaking, and hasn’t once asked me to fix it. He didn’t ask me to deliver a message or plead his case. He listened when I told him what he needed to hear, but he’s staying there, away from you, because he’s keeping a promise to you in the only way he knows how. That is—that’s how he loves, Junie. By fixing problems, but this isn’t something he can fix without you. But don’t for one minute ever think that he isn’t down there loving you.”
He turns to face me, my own pain reflected in his eyes.
“I didn’t understand the depth of it when we were younger, but I do now,” he says. “He loves you in a way that goes beyond reason and right or wrong. He loves you even though he spent years believing he was a monster for doing so. That’s a love to think on.”
He leans down, kisses my forehead, then folds himself onto a couch that’s far too small for him. “I love you too, Junie. Now it’s up to you to decide what your future looks like.”
He turns off the lamp, plunging us into the type of darkness that has shadows dancing across the far wall as the light from Cole’s porch bleeds in through my windows.
I walk on wooden legs to my bedroom and peer into Cole’s darkened office, only illuminated now by the moonlight.
Exhaustion weighs on me in a way that only happens after a full and complete emotional breakdown. It’s something I’ve felt before, when my mother died and when Grace lied. But it’s never hit me so fully before.
Through everything I’ve endured, Cole is still the only person with the ability to break me beyond recognition.
Now I have to decide if I can trust him with that much power.
30
ALMOST THERE
