Page 64 of A Major Love

“How about you pretend you didn’t hear it since it was none of your business in the first place?”

“Our baby is my business!” he shouted.

She tried notto react as her eyes filled with tears. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but Dynastie had me fucked up if she thought hiding the fact that she was once pregnant with my child was okay.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She pushed away from the table and ran to the bathroom before I could stop her.

I gave her time to gather herself because I knew this wouldn’t be an easy conversation for a few reasons. Aside from the fact that I wasn’t supposed to know, whatever the reason was that our child wasn’t here with us was probably hard for her to discuss.

I went to the bathroom door and gently tapped on it. When she didn’t respond, my big ass sat on the floor in front of it. She couldn’t ignore me forever.

“I’m sorry for eavesdropping,” I said.

“I think I’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve apologized since I walked in your front door. I’m over it.”

“Regardless of how many times I’ve apologized, I mean it every time. I will always make mistakes, but I won’t make the same mistake twice, because I learn from each one.”

She was quiet, hopefully considering my words, so I continued.

“One mistake I won’t make is losing you again. There’s nothing you could ever do that would cause me to let you go again. Nothing, baby. I keep apologizing because I keep fucking up. If the only thing I get right is loving you, I’m cool with that.”

I was met by another bout of silence, and I thought if I kept talking, she’d open up eventually.

“Lovie, can I tell you why I was upset when I heard you mention our baby?”

“Sure.”

“Because whatever happened, I wasn’t there to support you. If you decided to have an abortion, I wasn’t there to support you in that decision. If you miscarried or gave birth and, for whatever reason, our baby didn’t make it, I wasn’t there to support you through a difficult time. I wasn’t there to hold you while you cried. I wasn’t there to give you words of encouragement while you mourned and grieved. I’m hurt that you didn’t think I should know, but I’m more upset at myself because I should’ve been there. I hate that you had to go through it alone, whatever it was, and I am so sorry.”

More silence followed, but this time, I didn’t fill it. I let my words settle in her spirit and prayed she’d talk to me eventually.About ten minutes passed before I heard movement, and I got on my feet. The door opened, and she fell into my arms.

“He was your son, too, and I should’ve told you. I was so upset and angry about everything that happened between us, and I let those emotions rule my decision. I’m sorry, Major.”

“Your feelings were valid, and you had every right to feel that way. Let’s sit down.”

I sat on the edge of the bed before moving to the center, resting my back against the headboard, and she crawled between my legs and made herself comfortable. A few minutes passed before she spoke.

“We had a boy, and I wanted to name him after you, but thought you might have a son with someone else and want to name him after you,” she finally said, her voice cracking.

“We had a son?”

“Yeah, but I went into labor at twenty-six weeks, and they couldn’t save him.”

I held her tighter as thoughts of her going through something so traumatic filled my mind.

“Was anyone with you?”

“Thank God, my friend, Zena, met me at the hospital and was there the whole time. My parents and brother came as soon as they could, but he was already gone.”

“Fuck, baby.”

I bit my bottom lip as I fought tears. It broke my heart, knowing she was alone.

“The nurses and doctors were very nice, but I’d never felt so alone in my life. I wouldn’t wish what I experienced on my worst enemy.”

“I know you’re sick of me saying it, but I don’t know what else to say, baby. I hate that I wasn’t there. I hate that I let anything get in the way of my love for you. If you never spoke to meagain, you’d be justified. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“My therapist said it’s called the past because that’s where it should be left. I know it’s easier said than done, but if we want this to work, we can’t focus on our mistakes.”