Page 21 of A Thousand Second Chances

“Percy! Back from dinner already? I figured you and your friends would want to check out some of Mackinac Island’s bustling nightlife.” Her eyes twinkle for a moment. Then, she seems to register my expression, and her smile dims. “Are you all right? You don’t look so well. Where’s the rest of your group?”

“I’m fine,” I say, forcing as much of a smile as I can muster. “Just feeling a little under the weather. Everyone else is still at dinner, but I’m going to go lie down for a bit.”Preferably until the world ends.

“Of course,” she says, her lips pursing with concern. “If you need anything, you let me know. Your mother was like a sister to me, so as far as I’m concerned, you’re family and always will be.”

I nod, a lump forming in my throat. The mention of my mom has me close to shattering all over again. I flee up the stairs, narrowly avoiding a collision with Owen in my haste.

He scowls at me and shoves past.

It’s enough to send a jolt of anger through my numbness. “What’s your problem, Owen? I thought we were friends. I haven’t even seen you in years! What the hell did I do to make you hate me so much?”

Owen glances over his shoulder as he descends, giving me a nasty smile. “Be yourself. Isn’t that reason enough?”

Just like that, my anger evaporates, leaving me standing on the stairs feeling utterly lost. A hint of what might’ve been regret flits across Owen’s face, there and gone too quickly for me to be sure. Then his scowl returns, and he continues down the staircase. I finish the rest of my climb, dimly aware of heated voices rising from below. Had Carol heard our spat? I don’t much care one way or the other.

As soon as I’m in my room, I shrug off my jeans and collapse into bed. Right now, not even RuneWorld Online sounds appealing. All I want to do is shut myself off from the rest of the world and wait for this terrible mistake of a trip to be over.

eleven

Chris

My jaw throbs fromall the clenching I’ve been doing when I slip back into my seat at the table. I’m so furious that my entire body trembles and red tinges my vision.

And the worst part?

I don’t even know what I’m so angryabout. Talking with Percy just dredged up so many memories of that horrible winter break…

Percy had kissed me goodbye before we’d left campus. Usually, we drove home together since our parents only lived like twenty minutes apart, but we’d decided to take separate cars that trip. Percy had said he’d wanted time to himself to think and emotionally prepare. Now, I wonder if he hadn’t already been considering chickening out and knew he’d need his own escape route.

I wouldn’t have blamed him for having doubts. It’s not like I didn’t have plenty of my own. But I was sick and tired of hiding who we were to one another. Of constantly pretending we werenothing more than friends when we were in public. It had felt like living a lie. Like I was ashamed of loving Percy when he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I’d thought Percy felt the same.

My parents reacted to the news pretty much as I’d expected. Honestly, it could’ve gone worse—my family had always been more conservative than Percy’s, and there’d been a non-zero chance of them disowning me. Instead, they’d treated it like they did everything else about me— as a disappointment. Like I’d intentionally made a poor choice to screw up my future.

Didn’t I know how much harder this would make my life? What about the track team and my scholarship? How would this affect my job prospects after graduation?Being gay was just one more way I’d fucked up and let them down.

But it was fine. It was all fine. Sure, they were disappointed, and sure, it sucked. But I could handle that. After all, I’d been handling it my whole life.

What Icouldn’thandle was Percy ghosting me. When my parents were done berating me for my poor life choices and I’d retreated to my bedroom, all I wanted was to hear my boyfriend’s voice telling me it would be all right.

But he. Wasn’t. There.

He’d let my calls go unanswered and didn’t even bother to text until the next morning. And then only the most stilted of responses. Rejection from my parents, I’d expected. But never rejection from him. It had stung so badly that the tears straining my eyes wouldn’t even come.

And still, I’d kept trying to reach him. That entire first week, I’d hoped and hoped I was misinterpreting what was happening. That I was being overly sensitive and needy. Percy and I had been close for years, after all. No reason to think that would suddenly change. When he’d stopped responding altogether, my anxiety grew to encompass concern for him as well. What if hiscoming out experience had gone even worse than mine? But if that were true, then why wouldn’t he just tell me?

I could’ve driven over to his house to check on him. I’d thought about it more than once. But one fear had held me back—what if he didn’t want me there? What if I showed up and had to face the same rejection in his eyes I saw in my mom’s? The thought alone was enough to deter me.

So, winter break had passed in a hazy blur. We’d driven separately back to campus, and when I’d finally been face to face with him again and seen that distance I’d dreaded in his sharp blue eyes, it had hurt exactly as much as I’d feared.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Quinn eyes me worriedly from her seat to my right. The one to the left remains empty. And even though it’smyfault Percy’s gone this time, the sight of that empty seat makes something in my stomach tighten.

I whirl on Quinn, and she reels back, her eyes widening at whatever she sees on my face. “What the hell wasthat?” I hiss. “I told you to leave well enough alone, that Percy and I had a history. But like always, you kept pushing instead of letting me handle it.”

She recovers from her surprise, her nostrils flaring. “Oh, come on. We both know you weren’t handling it.”

“I was handling it just fine!”