Page 4 of Shattered Silence Duet

“Yeah, uh, ignore that, sorry. Let’s go.” He sounds uncomfortable and motions for the door. Not knowing what that was about, and being unable to ask, I decide to forget it as we head out into the now empty hall.

He leads me through the quiet school until we reach the library. It’s not big, but it’s quiet, with no other students in sight. He takes me to the back corner, where there’s a door leading to a room with a table and six chairs around it and a small comfy upholstered chair in the corner.

“Here we are! I’ll sign it out for you for the day, so nobody will bother you. Do you need to buy your lunch?” I shake my head, my mother didn’t give me any money for lunch. Not that I ever eat lunch, anyway. It was clear to me most people did, but it was also clear to me that I was nothing like normal people. Being locked in your room all day left no possibility for food breaks. I was lucky I hadn’t starved to death yet.

“Alright, well, I’ll leave you to your coloring books. Will you be okay in here on your own? I’ll come check on you when I can, but I have a lot of appointments today.” I nod my head, he has been more than generous with his kindness and time and I don’t want him missing any appointments with anybody who needed him.

What I really wanted to say was,I need you! Please stay!He feels safe and I can’t help but wish he would stay and help me. But I could never ask that of him, even if I could talk.

He says goodbye and then I’m left alone. I let out a deep breath. So far, school isn’t turning out to be anything like I expected.

I open up my bag and check what my mother bought me from the dollar store. I huff a silent laugh at the stupid coloring books.Really?This is what I was supposed to do all day?

I pull the one with cute animals towards me and open the box of pencil crayons to get started. Two hours later and I can’t take it anymore. I sit back in my chair and stare at the ceiling. I need to do something else, coloring was so boring.

I glance at the one wall of the room that has windows looking into the library. The blinds are currently pulled closed, so I stand and move over to them to peek out. There’s still nobody out there. Maybe I could find a good book to read?

My mother doesn’t think I can read, since she’d never taught me and I’d never been to school before. But I started reading long before she started locking me up. I never get my hands on books anymore, though. It’s clear I have a lot of catching up to do with other people my age, and I can’t help but hope that now I’m in high school, I have a chance to do so. But I hadn’t expected my mother to tell them I’m an idiot who can only color and do nothing else. What a waste.

But she isn’t here, and nobody else is either… I slowly open the door, and when I’ve double checked that nobody is in sight, I head towards the book stacks. I slowly stroll down the first aisle, reading the different subjects. I want to grab every book I see, but I decide to check what there is before choosing.

I stop in the math section. Wasn’t I supposed to be in a math class this morning? Staring at the books, I’m amazed by the variety. I had no idea there were so many different types of math. There were dozens of different books here. I decide to start at the top, assuming they must be in order. Algebra.

I take it back to my private room and shut the door. Forty-five minutes later, I’ve finished the book. Algebra was… cool! I jump up, peek out, then quickly grab the next two books, Advanced Functions and Calculus.

The next book I read takes me an hour to finish, which is when I start to hear voices in the library. It must be lunch time now. I don’t want to get caught and get in trouble, so I hide the math books under my coloring books and start coloring a llama. That’s when I heard a soft knock at the door, making my heart leap into my throat.

The door slowly opens and Mr. Hargrove pokes his head in. When he sees me, his shoulders drop in what looks like relief as he smiles. He steps inside and closes the door behind him, closing us in together. I think I should be nervous about that, like I was in his office, but I am surprisingly at ease with his presence now. He doesn’t scare me like other people do.

“Hi Mina, are you doing okay in here?” I nod. “Brilliant. Is there anything you need?” His British accent sends goosebumps down my spine.

Do I need anything?Yes, keep talking to me. I carefully swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head.

“Would you like to read something from the library?” he asks calmly. I know my mother told him I can’t read, so I wonder why he would ask me that. Was this a test?Oh no, was he reporting all my actions to my mother? Was she going to know I was making eye contact all day?

My eyes start darting around as my breathing picks up.This was so bad.It was clear I couldn’t trust anybody, why was I so stupid? She’s right, I’m a worthless idiot. Tears start forming in my eyes and suddenly he’s kneeling before me with his hands on mine.

“Hey, now. It’s okay. Take a deep breath for me. Come on, now. You don’t have to read any books, forget I mentioned it. I just need you to breathe for me, okay? Look at me, Love. Look at me.” I finally glance up into his beautiful hazel eyes and watch as he takes a deep breath in. I copy him, and when he releases it, I follow.We kept breathing like this for a few minutes until my breathing settles.

As my body calms, I realize I’m squeezing his hands tightly. I try to let go, but he holds my hands firmly and tries to get me to refocus on him again. When I finally give in and look up, he stares back at me with so much intensity, it’s as if he can see all of my secrets. I’m not sure if I’m scared he can see them or scared he can’t. Both thoughts terrify me.

“Good girl.” His smile almost does me in. I want him to always smile at me like that. I give him a small smile back. Even that feels strange. Smiling was not something I was used to doing or seeing.

“Okay, I guess I’ll leave you to your books. Are you sure you don’t need anything?” he asks as his eyes study mine for a hint of truth. I shake my head again. He gives me a tight-lipped smile. “Okay, Love. The final bell is at three fifteen, but I will come get you around three so we can get you outside before the swarm of students hits the halls. Sound good?” I nod and give him another smile. He smiles back and leaves, making me release a deep breath. I don’t think he’s aware of what I’ve really been doing in here all morning, so he has nothing to report back to my mother. That was if he is, in fact, reporting back to her on my actions.

I spend the rest of the day reading other math books. The more I read, the easier they seem to get. A lot of the principles are similar, I just have to memorize formulas, which is easy. I realize these must be the freshman subjects. I do all the practice questions at the end of each chapter and am pleased to find I’m grasping the subject well. I wonder how long it will take me to get all the way up to the senior ones?

When it gets close to three o’clock, I make sure all my math books are back on the shelves and my own stuff is packed away. True to his word, Mr. Hargrove enters at a minute to three, giving me a warm smile.

“Hi Mina, all ready to go then?” he asks when he sees me with my bag packed. I nod and stand up, shouldering my bag. He holds the door open for me and as I start to pass him, he places his handon my lower back, making me jump in surprise. He quickly snatches his hand away.

I want to apologize. It’s not his fault I’m jumpy, but I can’t say a word, so I just keep walking and pretending it didn’t happen.

“How was your first day?” he asks, then seems to realize I can’t answer, so he continues talking. “I hope it was okay in the library. I felt bad leaving you there alone, but I guess that’s what you’re comfortable with? Maybe we can slowly get you used to being around other people? Do you want to spend the day in the library again tomorrow?”

I nod vigorously. There was no way I could go into a classroom tomorrow. The thought sends a fresh wave of panic through me, making me shiver. All those people staring at me… My breathing picks up just thinking about it, but this time I remember the deep breaths he showed me earlier and calm myself down before it gets out of control.

He looks down at me and smiles. As he turns his head back in the direction we’re walking, I’m almost positive I hear him whisper a barely audible, “good girl.”