Page 51 of Buckin' Around

I drop my attention to Ivy. The last thing I want is to make Riley uncomfortable. She’s been a lifesaver, literally, for Ivy and me. I don’t want to give her any reason to leave.

I’ve lived by myself for the last ten years. Before that, in my parents’ house, I was mostly alone. This is the first time I haven’t felt lonely. I didn’t know what I was missing, apparently, because these two girls are the first thing I think of when I wake up and my last thought before sleep drags me under every night. No matter where I am.

The weekend away on the circuit was a new hell I didn’t know existed. Each second away felt off. I was with Brades, but my thoughts were not on the circuit. They were on Ivy.

On Riley.

Coming home to see her at the point of exhaustion... it was too much. The feeling that I later realized was guilt had me reeling. Had me grappling with an overwhelming need to protect and take care of both Ivy and Riley.

Work is about the max amount of time away from the both of them I can cope with.

Jesus Christ.

How the fuck did this happen?

I lie Ives on the play mat in front of the TV. My high-end coffee table that now doubles as a second changing station is pushed against the wall. Ivy loves this space. When she’s not babbling to herself, sucking her hand, or rocking side to side, she’s zoned in on the people on the television like they’re the most interesting thing she’s ever seen.

Who am I kidding, they most likely are.

I sink onto the sofa and watch her.

I feel like I spend more time on this damn thing than in my own bed. Than any other space in my life.

Ivy spits her pacifier out, and her little arms are waving around erratically as she starts her rocking, side to side.

I have no idea why she?—

Her legs kick as she does a one-eighty.

Her face squishes into the mat, letting out a muffled pained grunt.

Ohhell.

I’m on my feet, hovering, reaching but not knowing what to do...

“Riley! Fuck, Riley!”

A door hits the wall, and Riley skitters around the corner of the hallway, sliding on her socks, hands bracing against the wall.

“Spencer! What happened?”

Ivy lets out a curdled cry, and Riley’s gaze drops instantly to the baby.

Delight stretches her face.

“Ivy baby! You clever girl!” Riley closes the space between them and drops to the floor at Ivy’s head. Ivy is snuffling at the mat, her face still rubbing over it.

“Ivy baby,” Riley singsongs.

And . . . holy hell.

Ivy lifts her head and squeals at Riley, who is now lying on her stomach, patting the mat by Ivy’s head. “Look at you, sweet girl. You did it!”

I run my hand down my face.

“So, I guess this is normal?”

Riley chuckles. “Yeah, Spencer, it’s normal. She rolled over.” Her focus drops back to Ivy. “Her first time! I’m so proud of you, baby girl.”