Page 149 of Buckin' Around

“Keep up the good work, Riley.”

I push up a smile, trying to breathe past the stone in my throat.

“Thanks, Suze, I will.”

I finish up my shift and climb into the Range Rover and make my way home to the farm. Just in time to help Chlo feed up and start supper.

Pulling into the barn and killing the engine, I can’t help but play Suze’s words about forever and memories that last on repeat. I guess if I had to choose between never meeting Spencer and Ivy or having memories that will last a lifetime, I’d choose the memories. I’m not delusional enough to think I could have the forever.

I walk into the back of the house from the barn, crunching over the snow as I go. Dumping my bag inside, I call out for Chlo.

She’s skipping down the hallway toward me a beat later, her phone in her hand. “How was work?”

“Yeah, good. Get your chores done?”

“Almost, but I’m on the phone to Danny, give me ten?”

“No, it’s okay. I can do it. Chatter away, lovebirds.”

I could use the fresh air.

Zipping up my coat over my navy scrubs, I tug off my runners and pull on my wellies. The cattle need fresh hay, and I need to scoop the poop before they low for the night.

The colder months here are harsh, and our cattle are our main income. Bedding them in the barns overnight is essential. The sheep have their own barn. The feed in the silos keeps them fed when the winters raze the fields.

I plow through the mud to the first barn. It houses around twenty-four cows and their calves, plus a few bulls and a handful of steers and heifers not old enough for the local saleyards yet.

The barn is a din of sounds as they settle in for the night. I feed out first, getting them off the bedding and start muckingout. It takes around an hour before the barn is spotless and the cattle are happy.

Not every farmer in our county takes this much care of their animals. But my parents always said if you don’t take care of the animals that put money in the bank and food on your table, you may as well sit down and starve.

Another hour passes as I do the same in the sheep barn, the noise just as loud as the downpour outside.

Exhausted, I sit on a bale and let the rake rest against the wall in the corner. Hands idle, my brain and heart fire back to life. Replaying the moments before I left Alberta.

Twice now I have left the people I love. Both times, it hurt. Somehow, I have a feeling that this second loss will sit heavy in my heart for the rest of my days.

Hugging my coat around my body, I let the tears I’ve held back all day fall. I let out the devastation that I don’t want Chlo to witness and lose the hold around the heartbreak I don’t want my brothers to know about.

Lucky for me, the sound of the lambs crying at their mothers mixes with my wails. Ugly sobs chug from me as they have done for the past ninety-four fecking days.

My hands stiffen around my coat.

Chest tightening . . .

I can’t breathe.

Chapter 37

Spencer

Istare at my mother, then at the document in her hand.

Stace sits beside me at our out-of-the-way coffee shop, almost bouncing out of her chair. So much for the composed lawyer she’s supposed to make.

Who am I kidding, I’m just as excited.

Only, right now . . . I’m stunned.