Page 56 of Silver Sweet
“Should I be expecting an angry ex on my doorstep?”
“I wouldn’t let him get five feet near you.” His voice is almost a whisper, but I hear him, even over the squawking cockatoo. He taps his pen repeatedly against his journal, looking me over. “How many do you have, nepo baby?”
“None,” I answer honestly. “But not for lack of trying. I’m just extremely picky when it comes to who I even hook up with.” I stare at my guitar strings. “I’d love to have a boyfriend even if it went south one day, but the guy I’m on-and-off with isn’t into relationships.”
His frown darkens. “Are you currently on or off?”
“Off.” I feel more exposed, and I play a few more chords on the guitar before eyeing him. He’s watching me intently. “Any current hookups?” I ask. “Guys you think about when you jerk one out in the shower? Other thanme, of course.”
He glowers. “It’s not you. That’d be Josh Hutcherson circaThe Hunger Games.” He doodles in the margin of the journal. “I don’t have a friends-with-benefits or anything. These days, I just meet someone at a bar, fuck, then never see him again. I’m not into relationships.”
Not into relationships.
Not into relationships.
He is NOT into relationships, Tom Carraway.
I try my best to transcribe this into my frontal lobe so that my brain understands flirting or fantasizing about Phoenix leads to no solid ground. It will be the world’s worst mistake. He is exactly what I don’t want. A bandmateanda fling.
But his face…
I don’t look at his dangerous face. My eyes are on my guitar. My stomach cramping as I keep repeating the words in my head.Not into relationships.
I can feel his intense eyes on me.
“Peeta?” I blurt out. “Really? FromThe Hunger Games. Like the guy who makes bread in the movie? That’s the one you’re rubbing it out to?”
“You can cry into your pillow later that it isn’t you.” He catches my gaze. “What’s his name? The on-and-off guy?”
“RJ. And no, I don’t know what it stands for.” I nod to his journal. “Are you going to actually write something or are you just drawing hearts and stars in there?”
He folds the journal over his thumb so I can’t see it. “I’m trying to determine if this RJ guy is a good well to pull from.”
“You want to write a song about my situationship?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.
“Heartbreak is a good source for material.”
“He hasn’t broken my heart,” I say firmly.
“Are you going to let him?” Phoenix asks with more seriousness to his tone. “Isn’t that the path you’re riding down, man? Wanting something he won’t give you.”
“So you think I’m an idiot for seeing him,” I grumble and strum an angry hand down the strings.
“Tom, you’ve got to stop inferring what I’m saying and just listen to me.” He grabs the neck of my guitar, sliding it off my lap. He sets it aside. “Come here.” He motions me closer.
Phoenix wants me to sit next to him?
Fine. Yeah.Easy.
I end up at his left, trying to relax, but I’m nervous with anticipation.This isn’t a hookup.Somehow, knowing that we’re not going down an intimate road is making this more nerve-wracking for me.
Our thighs are touching, but Phoenix isn’t looking down. His gaze is cemented on mine as he twists toward me. “This RJ guy? Does he know you want a relationship?”
Why does it feel like this isn’t about the song? It’s almost like he’s…concerned about my dating life. But he just told me to stop inferring, so maybe I’m totally off base.
“Yeah, he does,” I tell Phoenix. “I brought it up once, and he said he wanted to keep it casual. Which is fine. I know what I’m getting myself into. You don’t have to be worried about me.”
“I’m worried about my bandmate not showing up to work because he was crushed over a guy. One-night stands are easier. What you’re doing is messy.”
