Page 227 of Silver Sweet

“Stop trying to predict what Ben is thinking,” Charlie says. “How about we start with that?”

Tom closes his eyes. “And then?”

“And then you have a show tomorrow,” Charlie tells him. “And if you don’t want your relationship to be public—you might want to practice not calling each other boyfriends. I’ve heard that word fifteen hundred times in the past forty-eight hours.”

Tom almost smiles. “Good advice, Charlie Keat?—”

Charlie ends the call.

Tom narrows his eyes. “He lost service, right?”

“Sure,” I say into a nod. Our eyes meet in a strong beat. I haven’t let go of him. “Harriet?”

“Needs help, dude,” Tom takes a tight breath. “Charlie and Beckett already tried to nudge her into therapy, but she’s not ready. And I don’t know all the details of her upbringing, but I know she uses sex transactionally. It’s why she barters with blow jobs, or she did before she started dating Ben.”

“Did not expect that,” I admit. “She’s head-over-heels for your brother.”

“Since she’s your new bestie, maybe she’ll start talking to you about it.” He frowns. “I can’t imagine just keeping all the bad stuff in. I’d explode.”

His pulse slows against my fingers. So I gently ask, “Ben has magical thinking?”

Tom swallows hard. His gaze shifts to the floor. “A form of OCD,” he says, and he starts explaining everything. How it’s not like the OCD that Beckett has. How Ben disappeared last year. Tom goes into great, painful detail, and I just listen while he breaks his ribcage open and pours out his hurt. Tom has carried the responsibility of making sure it doesn’t happen again. The weight of that is a heaviness he bears.

It’s one I know.

52

TOM COBALT

Dim lighting illuminates the front lounge of the tour bus as it rolls along a highway to Amarillo. We start our week-long stretch in Texas tomorrow. Shoulders ache. Legs ache. My whole body feels like it’s been run through a meat grinder. We’ve been on tour over a month, and no amount of hours on the treadmill could have prepared me for the physical fatigue.

Mentally…I am a machine.

Not tired in the slightest. And okay, maybe I have Adderall to thank for that, but Iamthankful. My body might hurt, but my energy levels haven’t fluctuated. I’m putting on adrenaline-fueled shows that our fans deserve. That’s all that matters to me.

My feet are kicked up on the couch, and I set aside my vocal steamer. It still hurts to swallow. I try to ignore the discomfort in my throat by texting Charlie.

TOM CARRAWAY

Did you like the show tonight?

CHARLIE KEATING

Watching you almost concuss yourself was a joy.

TOM CARRAWAY

Must be why you’ve already been to four shows.

I was shocked when Charlie came to see us play in Arizona, but then the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. He’s been traveling way less this year, and his two-day stint in Rotterdam must have given him a travel bug. Coming to my shows is a great way to kill two birds with one stone. Travelandsee his favorite sibling.

My bigger worry is that my meltdown on the phone with him last week—over the whole Harriet’s-mom thing—worried the shit out of him. I overreacted. Definitely should have kept my cool.

Beckett took the reins and told Ben about Harriet’s mom, and all went well.

It wasfine. Ben didn’t run away.

Goes to show what I know about OCD.