Page 151 of Silver Sweet
It feels familiar. It helps me continue on, so I add, “When guys are looking to hook up with me, they’re expecting a Cobalt—and I get you don’t know the extent of what that means. But it’s unbridled confidence. It’s composure and control. You think they want to be with someone who’s unsure and scared? I mean”—I laugh at the old memories of being propositioned at parties—“everyone wants to sleep with a Cobalt god. Don’t you?”
“No,” he says. “I want to sleep with the guy who shared his fears with me in his bedroom. I want the guy who can get scared and nervous. I don’t want to sleep with steel and iron that can’t hurt. I want to be with flesh and bone that can. I just want you, Tom, and you’re so fucking far from being weak. You’re just human to me. You’ve been human.”
It barrels so deep into me that I sway backward from the force of his words. His hand is in mine, so I don’t move far. I’ve never been with someone who wanted this side of me.
“Wow,” I murmur, almost speechless. I fight to speak more than monosyllables. “I think… you’re the first person who’s ever said anything like that to me.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “Maybe there’ll be more after you. I’m sure I have a whole line of suitors clamoring to be with this new vulnerable me.”
“Wow, should I barricade my door so they don’t bust through here?”
I smile at his dry tone and head tilt. “Probably. It’d be kind of hot.” I nod a lot.
He nods back.
I am nervous. Really nervous for this next part. “I, um…” I scratch the back of my head and side-eye the bed. “I don’t know if this is a turn-off of yours, but I’m not that experienced, dude. Like I am, but I’m not.” I read his gaze so fast.
Phoenix is very, very unsurprised.
My chest caves. “Wait, could you tell?”
Holy shit, did I give a subpar blow job? No way,no way.I’ve given A+ epic blow jobs that’ve had his eyes rolling backward. I add quickly, “Because Iamexperienced when it comes to what we’ve fucking done so far.”
“Tom.”
I’ve ripped my hand from him. My palms slide to my head while I back up. My legs hit the bed, and I sink down on the edge. My pride feels lightly sucker-punched.Lightly.I am not letting this knock me over. I run my fingers through my hair and intake a sharp breath.
“Look at me.” Phoenix is right in front of me, thwacking his foot against mine.
I raise my gaze. “I don’t know if I like this whole vulnerable thing. We might need to reverse. Or hey, maybe I can return it. You think customer service is open?”
“Yeah, let’s go to Target and return a moment in time.”
“Great. You want to take your Suzuki?” I’m antsy, twisting my rings.
“Just listen to me, Tom.”Okay.“I would’ve assumed you werereallyexperienced. This whole time. It would’ve never crossed my mind that you weren’t. Honest to God.”
The reassurance isn’t hitting. “Then why did you look so unsurprised, Phoenix?”
“Because your brother said?—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” My eyes explode. “Which brother told you what?”
“Charlie said you’ve only taken one dick in the ass, and that washiswording, FYI.”
An inhuman noise comes out of me. “I’m going to kill him.” I fall backward on the bed and reach for a pillow.
I smother my face in it.Charlie?!?!
The mattress undulates as Phoenix crashes down beside me. He tears the pillow off me and throws it at the headboard. “You’re making great strides toward murder,” he says. “Already halfway out the door.”
“Yeah, I have to resurrect myself first,Phoenix.It’s not every day your older brother tells your drummer that you’ve taken a dick in the ass.”
“On the plus side?—”
“There’s a plus side?”
