Page 135 of Silver Sweet

“Right,” Tom nods, intaking a tighter breath. “Yeah. That’s all we are.”

My whole body is full of tension. I can’t even argue about wanting more when we have a tour ahead of us, and we need to grind and not worry about semantics. Our agreement to be exclusive is enough for me.

I cannot handle Tom fucking another guy right now.

He shoves his cold hands in his jean jacket. “Sorry I cut you off. What were you saying about your ex? On your birthday?”

“Yeah, I ran into him at a New Year’s party. It’d been the first time I’d seen him since we broke up.” My heart hammers harder. “Jesus, I never even told Birdie I ran into Chase.”

“Chase…”

HearingTomcast that fucker’s name in the air…it feels like my stomach falls out of my body. Tom lifts the hood to his black sweatshirt—the one beneath his jean jacket—over his head, shielding himself from more wind. He frowns out at the street, then at me. “Did you two hook up at the party or something?”

I let out a sickened groan. “No. God, no. It’s just every time I talk about Chase, there’s so much anger and disgust, and I can’t rip away from it. I hate talking about him. I hate saying his name. Hearing his name.” I suck in a shallow breath. “And I’m still repulsed at myself that seeinghimwas the thing that brought me to you.” The confession sends more bile up my throat. I might actually fucking vomit. I can barely look at Tom, but I do.

He’s shaking his head in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

“That night I saw Chase was the same night I asked Jeremy to find me a band to play in,” I explain. “I didn’t want to talk to Chase. Hell, I even made a move to leave the party. But he made sure to cross paths with me on the way to the door. Just so he could say, ‘I knew you’d still be a roadie.’” I swallow hard. “And I know it doesn’t seem like much, but those seven words cut me open so fucking badly that I basically quit Nothing Personal on the spot. So yeah, man, I wouldn’t beherewithout him.”

Tom glares into a harder shake of his head. “You don’t know that, Phoenix. You could have quit down the line for any other reason.”

“No,” I say, resolute. “I wouldn’t have.”

Tom’s shoulders deflate. “Okay, maybe not. But then does it matterwhy? You’re here now, and that’s what’s important. Not how you got here.”

I want to believe that, but there’s a part of me that will always feel like Chase has a hold on me. My past, my present, my future twisted in his fists.

“Hey,” Tom moves in close and puts a hand on my chest. His touch eases the tension in my muscles. “Just think about ‘Dirty Rise.’ Singing that song on stage. We’re going to get there. And you better hope I never meet this Chase guy because I will fucking fight him.”

I notice his bodyguard lingering in the background. “Are you allowed to get into a fight, nepo baby?”

He follows my gaze. “Tryto fight him.”

“Just no biting.” I tap his cheek.

He swats me away, but he’s smiling.

I’m, somehow, smiling too.

This is one of the times I’m glad he has personal security. I don’t want Tom getting hurt for me.

31

PHOENIX ST. PIERRE

“She was wearing aCartierwatch,” my mom says over the phone. I almost didn’t answer the call for three reasons. One, I’m at Tom’s apartment. Two, we just finished writing another song (why ruin a good thing?). Three, I made him come from my hand again yesterday, and it’s occupying half my brain.

It’s been two weeks since our first kiss, and we still haven’t moved on from handjobs. The slow pace is nothing I’ve ever experienced. It’s devouring my brain in the best and worst ways. My head space is literally Tom Cobalt and music, and there isn’t enough room for my mom to insert a grenade of worry.

I need her not to pull the pin.

If my red pen didn’t bust on me again, I would’ve silenced the call, but I needed to use the bathroom anyway. So I reluctantly answered it.

“The watch haddiamonds,” she adds.

“I doubt Tom’s mom was trying to make you feel poor.” I scrub my hands with fancy sandalwood soap, listening to her on speakerphone.

“It’s not that,” she sighs. “It just made me realize how much more you have to lose than her son.”