Page 44 of To Dance with Death

It makes me wonder if it was merely the circumstances that drew him to me at the Gathering. How small I am here, how inconsequential, next to so many beautiful souls vying for his attention like moons in his orbit.

But I challenge the thought each time it surfaces. Summon the confidence Queen Sadira drilled into me before I left.

I have survived the dark of a cell. Years of pain. My father. The Gathering.

I chose to end Illian once and for all.

My confidence should not hinge on the attentions of one man.

That, at least, serves to anchor me. I am proud of what I’ve endured, proud of what my body is managing to do—especially here. I am proud for persisting when hope feels lost. And Anton…

He can do as he pleases. That’s fine.

Fornow.

I take satisfaction, at least, in stealing Ishu one night. Anton, occupied as he is, doesn’t notice when I lure her from his side with a piece of cheese, and she follows me to the study, sleeping next to me in a heap. She keeps me warm, her fur softer than any blanket, and her rumbles throughout the night offer comfort and a sense of protection, both. Tonight, though, she circles the pavilion, picking at trays of food again, though she growls at anyone who reaches to pet her head.

On the tenth night, I am just about to retire when I notice Maia retreating down the hall alone. Remembering her criticism of Moranya, I hasten my pace until I reach her.

If time is reckoned here as it is in the mortal realm, fifteen days have passed since the Syndicate issued its decree, and my time before they return for me is halfway gone. I’ve had no luck in the Abyssal and even less with Anton. My desperation is mounting.

Maia takes notice of me swiftly. “Come to stir more dissent, dancer?”

“Is that such a bad thing?” I hedge. “Seems there’s little else to occupy the time.”

“How astute you are.”

“Does anyone else not find it strange that Moranya designated a new Sovereign and simply…left?”

“She was never here much to begin with,” Maia says, shrugging.

“And you don’t find that odd?” I keep pace with her with no small amount of effort, my heartbeat a rabbiting thing.

“As much fun as our little debate was,” she says, lowering her voice, “I would not say such things aloud again. You never know who might be listening.” She nods to a nearby Aegis.

“She really doesn’t care about us souls, does she?” I press. “She isn’t evenhere,and yet she would have her minions punish anyone who questions her?”

To my astonishment, Maia whips a hand over my mouth. “Did your guide not tell you to respect Her Mercifulness? We all know better. She is beyond our comprehension, and I was a fool to question her choice in designating a Sovereign. Besides, such talk could send us right into the Sands. Do you know what the Sands really are, dancer?”

She removes her hand, and my own chest heaves. “Are they not what they sound like? A wasteland?”

“The Sands are the ash of corroded souls,” she says, her eyes wide. “Every stir and flick of wind burns a spirit away until it altogether ceases to exist. There is no escape from it. There is no reprieve. No one from the Sands can ever return, because there is nothing of them left.”

So that’s why Anton didn’t cast Illian into them.

He wants towitnesshis suffering.

Then something else occurs to me. “The rips in the air,” I say. “Does that also have to do with the Sands?”

“The chasms, you mean?” When I nod, she says, “How should I know? This lair exists because of Moranya’s power. Some suspect they are ways for her to watch us. Others think they are portals that we are not permitted to use. In the end, what does it matter? They do not affect us.”

But that doesn’t make sense. How does no one question it?

“I see that look in your eye,” Maia says. “Whatever you are doing here in our lair, I suggest you make it less obvious. Or better yet,give it up now. None of us will take any part in it. None of us will risk the Sands.”

“You know,” I say. “That I am mortal. How?”

“Why else would His Gloriousness entertain some Fates-forsaken agreement? Souls here can offer him nothing beyond momentary entertainment. Besides, you should make sure you are alone when you’re dressing yourself with the aurora blooms.” At my dazed expression, she blows a huff. “I will not spill your secret. In turn, you will never approach me again. You are too great a risk.”