Page 65 of If I Go Down with This Ship

Mick’s hands lift from me, and gentler, calloused ones replace his.It’s him, I can tell by his touch, by the scent that drifts off him and encases me.Shuddering, I relax back against him, sighing in relief.

“What happened?”he asks over me.

“There was a minor accident,” Pip says.I close my eyes, trying to ignore the tug as he slips the needle through again.“Nothin’ too serious, I don’ think.”

Silas squeezes my shoulders as he bends closer.His breath is warm on my neck as he whispers at the shell of my ear, “Are you all right?”

I make a soft sound in the back of my throat.“Now that you’re here.”

Even from here, I see him flush, and I can’t help it, I grin like a fool.He ducks his head, and the action is so adorable, so unlike the captain the rest of this crew knows, it makes my heart stutter.

For a moment, it feels as if we’re back on that beach with the water lapping against us, and what I wouldn’t give to be there again.I could live in those moments forever.

“Yer all done, lad.”Pip ties off the thread and stands.I blink in surprise and glance down to my hand, to the puffy, red skin.Pip has sewn a perfect line, his stitches tight and practically flawless.“Don’ act so surprised,” he says with a huff.“It’s not that hard.”

I laugh breathlessly, staring down at my hand.“Thank you, Pip.Sorry I panicked.”

Pip smiles down at me.“Not yer fault, Laszlo.It’s mine.”Nodding to Silas, Pip returns to the steaming crabs, lifting the lid off the pot and peering in.

Silas helps me stand, tucking me gently under his arm and away from prying eyes to a secluded corner of the beach, out of the torchlight.It’s dark here, and as I turn to him, his features are faint in the shadows.

“Are you sure you’re all right?”he asks quietly.He holds my other hand, his grip on me warm and light.

I sigh and admire the sky, the speckling of stars gleaming against the night.Humming, I smile to myself.I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it, to seeing so many stars.“I’ll be okay.”Clearing my throat, I glance at him with a reserved smile.“I’m not a fan of needles.”

“I don’t imagine many people are.”

We fall silent, the two crews cheering in the distance as Pip serves food and ale begins flowing.They’re gathered around the large fire, seated in small groups as they feast.

“What are you thinking about, Laszlo?”

I want to ask about Charlotte, about who this woman is and why she means so much to him, how she of all people can callhim Silas.But it’s probably best that I don’t broach the subject.Not now, anyway.

“Just trying not to focus on the pain,” I lie.

With a grunt, Silas drops my hands and moves to stand.“Let’s get some food,” he says, brushing off his pants.“Food always helps.”

“I’ll join you in a bit.”

Silas pauses in his turn toward the fire to regard me, but he can’t see my expression in this darkness, can’t see the pain there when I think about him with anyone else.“Are you certain?”

“Yeah,” I say with a wave of my hand.“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be there soon.”

He hesitates, but nods, jogging back down the beach toward the fire.Silas laughs at something as Pip hands him food, and I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy in my chest.I hate this emotion, hate what it does to people.I don’t care who he’s been with in the past, but the thought of him being with anyone else now makes the jealousy rise in me and my uninjured hand curl into the sand.

Sir settles beside me, his ears twitching as he looks up at me.

“It must be nice to be liked by everyone,” I whisper, scratching his head with my good hand.“To never worry if someone has the same intense feelings as you.”Like all the others, he abandons me, prancing toward the fire, seeking warmth and food.

I lean back in the sand.Who am I to judge?Who am I to tell Silas no?We aren’t boyfriends, we aren’t exclusive, and I won’t hold him back if Charlotte is who he wants.I’m sure no one would blink if she were at his side, a woman and a man, a captain and a captain.

With a sigh, I shake off the sand as I stand before plastering on a smile and joining the two crews around the fire.I have to return home anyway, right?I knew I couldn’t stay in my happy little bubble forever.

The fun had to end sometime.

21Let’s Get Shipfaced

Someonepasses around a bottle filled with dark amber liquid.They laugh and take a swig before handing it off to the next person, hand over hand, a rhythm built on the action, just like hauling lines.I watch it across the flames as it makes its way around the fire.