Page 36 of If I Go Down with This Ship

Astraand Adelphine speak quietly at the desk, heads bent as they examine a series of leads scrawled on scraps of parchment in messy script.Jack slips out to finish the sale of the ale, and I’m left to stand awkwardly in the center of the room, arms dangling at my sides as I admire Captain Night.

His arms are crossed over his chest as he stares into the distance.He’s thinking hard about something, and whatever it is, it has his full attention.

Unsure of what to do, I open the door to go, but the hinges screech, slicing through the silence, and Captain Night’s head whips in my direction.

“Where are you going?”he asks, standing and crossing to me.

Stumbling back a step at the force of him stalking toward me, I jab my thumb at the door.“Thought I’d get some fresh air.”

He watches me for a long moment before nodding.“I’ll join you.”

I hesitate before holding the door open for him.He moves silently past me, his long blue jacket brushing my hip.I follow him closely down the narrow hall, my attention zeroed in on his broad shoulders, the way the rich blue fabric stretches across his back.We’re so close I can smell him and feel the heat radiating from him.So close I could wrestle off the jacket and make a run for it.

When we slide past Jack, his brows furrow but he says nothing.He just watches us disappear through the tavern and into the night.I hurry after Captain Night wordlessly through the streets of Nassau, moving at a brisk pace.Darkness is setting, and as we walk, it only grows darker, making it near impossible to see where he’s leading me.There’s still a strange giddiness roiling inside me, adrenaline pumping as my feet shuffle through the sand and dirt and whatever else litters the ground.

Fear, anxiety.For the coming adventure.For the research I’ll obtain.

For this man.

People part for Captain Night as we cut through groups and crews gathered in small circles and huddles, their expressions strange mixes of awe and fear as we move past.I want to ask Captain Night what his reputation is and why people seem to fear him so, but I clamp my lips together and follow in silence, tripping from time to time as my body reacclimates to land.

He leads me down a slim path that dumps us out onto the beach.It’s quieter here, and I can only just hear the soft sounds of Nassau, the laughter and clinking of cups, the fights and theother violent sounds of the city all muffled by the narrow tree line, hushed by the lapping tide.

We stop at a set of rocks jutting out from the sand.Captain Night shrugs off his jacket and tosses it carelessly to the ground.My fingers itch to grab it, so I can make my way to the longboats and then to the ship and find my way home to my own timeline.But I can’t help but want this one last adventure—finding Astra’s ex-fiancé.Maybe that will finally fill in all the little holes in the story I wish to tell.And when it’s done, I’ll take the jacket and return home, apologize to Louise for accidentally traveling back in time, and finally,finallywrite this godforsaken book.

And life will just be better for everyone involved.I’ll start responding to Louise’s texts, I’ll finish this book, then I’ll write the next one, and I’ll settle into a new version of me.A happier one.

I just need a little more time here.

Torches are being lit across the island, illuminating Nassau’s darkened corners, the glow blanketing us.I settle on the rock beside Captain Night, taking in his profile against the soft glow of the moon and the faint, warm torchlight from the distance.

He is breathtaking.

He’s lost the bit of hardness in his face since the meeting in the tavern, the creases around his eyes and mouth softening as he relaxes on the beach, letting go of the persona he wears around the others.I’m thankful that he’s letting me see this bit of him.

Even if I’m confused as towhy.

With a sigh, I look up, catching a sky full of stars beyond the flames.It’s been cloudy every night aboard his ship, butnow that I can see them, I never want to look away.Usually, I need to travel far out of the city to see the stars, but here, they areeverywhere.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?”

I focus on him, surprised to find that he’s not looking at the sky, but at me.“Yeah,” I say.“I don’t get to see them much.”

“Why is that?”

I realize too late that only in my time are they are hidden by the smog and city lights.I scratch my neck.“Oh, just really wet and rainy,” I lie.

Yet another lie to add to my growing pile.

He says nothing, and, swallowing hard, I swivel to look out over the water instead.It’s so dark, the water is nearly inky black from here.I can feel those nightmares from my childhood gripping me once more, the terror on that ferry, the fear of what lurks beneath.

Of being pulled down and not being able to fight my way to the surface.

“I could help you get home,” Captain Night says.“Whatever lead we find next, I can see to it that you make it home.”

The pit in my stomach drops, and my chest squeezes tight.He’s giving me an out.It’s not a very useful out, seeing as my home is three hundred years in the future, but it’s an out.He is willing to help me.I open and close my mouth, but the words that come out are not what I expected in the least.

“I don’t want to go home.”I hurry to add, “Not yet.”