Page 59 of Something like Desire

“You messed up decades ago, but Mom didn’t throw you under the bus. By not admitting your own mistakes, you threwherunder the bus.”

Dad leans back against the cushion and slowly nods his head. “You’re right.” His face crinkles with emotion. “And I’m sorry.”

I reach over and pat him on the arm. “I hope you find the same happiness Mom has found,” I say. “And I promise I won’t stalk you and try to ruin it.”

“I hope you give Claire a chance,” Dad says. “It’s a strange situation for you to be in, but the last few weeks, catching up on all of the time we missed, she’s a really nice person.”

“She seems pretty great,” I agree.

Dad stands and smooths his khaki shorts. “I’m going to go and chat with her for a while.” He says it lightly, but I catch the small flicker of guilt in his eyes before he turns away.

I stay seated on the sofa and after a moment, Mom appears and joins me. “I overheard some of that,” she says. “I didn’t want to interrupt. How are you doing?”

I lift my hands in a small, accepting shrug. “Sadly, the awkwardness between us will probably be there for a while, but maybe one day we’ll get back on track.”

“Things are going to be different, but you’ll be okay,” Mom says.

“Hopefully.”

Mom scoots closer to me and takes my hand. “Speaking of things being different, you’ve got to make a deal with me. You and Gia are coming to Nicholas’s new place for dinner. I’ll talk to Gia about it myself this time. I want you two to meet Nicholas... meet him for real... and to give him a chance. Deal?”

“When?”

“Sometime after Gia gets back from her honeymoon.”

“I’ll be there,” I promise. I honestly would love to get to know more about him at this point, to make sure he’s always as nice to Mom as he seemed to be last night.

“And there’s something else.” Mom faces me with this knowing look and before she can open her mouth I know where the conversation is going. “I saw how happy you looked with Zach.”

There’s no part of me that’s going to deny that. “I was happy with him, but I also wasn’t honest with him.”

“Is he the reason why you broke up with Jayden?”

“Sort of but not exactly. He made me feel things I didn’t know I was capable of, and I knew that feeling those things when I had Jayden in my life was proof that he wasn’t the right match for me.”

Mom grabs both of my hands and looks at me earnestly, her gaze steady and unblinking. “You can’t ignore feelings like that. You did the right thing. Too many people ignore all the signs that show them the right path. And the wrong one.”

“I’m trying to pay attention now.”

“Here’s one thing I want you to know,” Mom says, her eyes becoming glossy with emotion. “There’s something in this life that wakes you up inside. And it can happen at any time. It’s like desire but it’s something else too. Something bigger and more important. It makes you realize that you’re worthy of being fully appreciated... emotionally and spiritually and sexually. Don’t ignore that feeling, Lexi. You’re worthy of having it.”

TWENTY-FIVE

A few weeks later, Gia and I sit down to a dinner of prime rib with tomato bruschetta, courtesy of Nicholas—who, as it turns out, is an extremely talented chef.

I’m starting to understand why Mom likes Nicholas so much. Besides the fact that he attends dance classes with her and takes her on thrilling rides on his motorcycle, they have this chemistry that’s impossible to deny. They complement each other. When Mom talks, Nicholas nods at her encouragingly, and adds words of support to the things she says. The way they look at each other is more than just lust—they look at each other with respect in their eyes. They genuinely care for each other.

We’re sitting outside in Nicholas’s backyard, the glow of the bonfire flickering against the night. Mom and Nicholas sit side by side in red Adirondack chairs, fingers entwined. Across from them, Mark and Gia are wrapped in each other’s arms, looking every bit the newlyweds. Smoke curls upward, softening the edges of everything. I’m staring through the haze, half-lost in my thoughts, when the back gate creaks open. Someone steps through, a guitar case slung at his side.

Zach.

My heart speeds up and I catch eyes with Mom who grins at me, making me realize she’s the one who must have invited him.

“Look who it is,” Nicholas calls. “It’s Lexi’s coconspirator in Operation Breakup. Hello, matey.” He’s mimicking the accent Zach used in the dance studio, and I’m having a hard time keeping from smiling. Part of me is annoyed that my mom did this. But only part of me.

Nicholas shoots a grin my way. “I forgive you guys, by the way.”

Zach talks to my mom and his dad for a few minutes and then settles into the seat beside me. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him, but all of the chemistry comes flooding back. The ten inches of space between our chairs feels like yards, and the desire to touch him almost overwhelms me. I squeeze my hands into fists of adrenaline. I want to crawl into his lap and run my hands along his neck and back.