Page 22 of Something like Desire

Several minutes pass. I take a long, deep breath, my eyes glued to the ceiling, finding the right way to explain what I’m feeling. We’ve always been open and honest with each other. I can’t start hiding secrets. “Jayden, I have something important to tell you.” I turn over on my side to face him.

Jayden lets out a soft snore. Passed out cold. I could try to wake him but maybe this is a sign that I really need to work on my apology first.

Jayden wakes up half an hour later and I’m still no further along in deciding what to say.

“I’m sorry. That pretzel move must have taken a lot out of me.” Jayden rubs his eyes. “Do you want to look up another Kama Sutra position?” He scoops me into his arms, and I feel my body stiffen, which is honestly alarming.

“Hmm... tempting, but I’d better head home. I don’t have any more outfits here for work tomorrow.”

“We should revisit the idea of you moving in,” Jayden whispers into my hair.

Forget stiffening, now I’m completely frozen. I feel like a statue. Or an ice sculpture. This is terrible timing. Why did he need to bring that up now when I’m an actual mess to begin with?

“What do you think?” Jayden says, tilting his head to survey my facial expression, which I’m pretty sure is a mixture ofshockedandterrified.

“Well... I do like having my own place. What we have is fine. The way it is,” I say softly, feeling like a cornered animal even though I tell myself that I shouldn’t.

“What happened with your parents... It’s got me thinking. Maybe your mom didn’t hear it enough from your dad. How much he loves her. I want to devote myself to showing you and telling you how strongly I feel about you. Every day. If you moved in, we’d have plenty of time to do all the things we’ve talked about doing. We’ve been together forever. It’s the next step. It just makes sense.” Jayden pulls me closer to him and I’m afraid he can feel my heart, which is nearly beating out of my chest. My hands are clammy. My face feels hot. I need to get out of here.Now.

“Uhhh, I’m sorry. I’m not feeling so well. I think I’d better go home and lie down.”

“Stay here,” Jayden says. “If you’re sick, I’ll take care of you. You stay here and rest and I’ll get you a cool cloth and some Advil. Do you have a headache?”

“No,” I say, surprised by how loudly and aggressively that word came out. “I... I mean... no thank you. I think I need to be on my own.”

“Okay,” Jayden says with a cloud of disappointment in his expression. “It seems a little weird to me that you feel sick right after I ask you to move in with me, but if you need to go home, I can respect that.”

Jayden’s a good man. The best. Kind. Compassionate. Reliable. The kind of person who always makes sure I’m happy and comfortable. The kind of person who writes really nice birthday cards with all the reasons why he loves me. Any woman would be happy, would consider herself lucky to have him.

I need to get my shit together. Fast.

TEN

It’s another Monday morning at the office.

Through the glass door beside the water cooler, the customer service department is bustling with activity. The filing cabinet rolls open and shut as people remove and return documents. Joe appears to be clearing boxes out of a cupboard. Winnie’s on the phone, pacing the hallway, waving her hands around enthusiastically. Meanwhile, on our side of the door in good old human resources, Andy and I have polished off a pot of coffee between us but haven’t even opened our emails yet. Heck, I haven’t even turned on my computer, if I’m being honest. The smile on Andy’s face is like an elastic band that can’t be stretched any farther. He asked how my weekend was and didn’t expect me to deliver this much entertainment to his life.

“Hold on, let me just get this straight,” Andy says, practically clapping his hands in delight. “You’re telling me thatyour mom’s boyfriend’s sonis doing the same thingyouare? That is frickinggolden.”

I swivel my chair from side to side and shoot him a casual smile. “I guess.”

“What are the odds? Wait, what does he look like?”

I shrug. “Muscles. Beard. Mysterious looking. Dark hair.”

“So, he’s a sex god, just like his dad? Oh, this is rich.” Andy wheels further into my cubicle, rolling up the sleeves of his white linen shirt. There’s a trace of citrus cologne as he moves closer. His shirt’s tucked into rust-colored pants, the only pop of color in a sea of office neutrals. He grabs both of my hands, as if holding onto me will ensure I won’t leave him hanging on the rest of my adventure. “Youneedto tell me more. This is the most exciting story I’ve heard in weeks. You get it—you work here too.”

I squeeze his hands, then pull away, leaning back slightly. I’m not getting so wrapped up in the storytelling experience that I’ll say more than I’m ready to divulge. “There’s not too much to tell. We tried a bunch of things to mess with them and make them jealous but none of them worked out. The weekend ended. And we came home.”

“What? Girl, come on.” Andy makes atsknoise, frowns, and shakes his head at me. “Are you really going to disappoint me with a crappy version of the story like that? I thought you and I were friends, Lexi.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll give you a few interesting details.” I point behind him out the window at the bus stop poster. “See that picture over there?”

Andy twists his chair around to look. “The forest one you always stare at...? Yeah. What about it? Wait, are you going to buy a copy for your room so you can stare at it at home too?”

“Zach loves that photo too. He gets why I stare at it so much. Even spoke about how it inspires him too. Isn’t that cool?”

Andy closes his eyes, grips his chest, and convulses in a mock display of having a cardiac attack. “Cool?” he slaps his knee emphatically. “Cool? That picture inspires you both. It’s like your souls understand each other at a deeper level. That’s more than cool. When’s your wedding date?”