Page 168 of Last First Kiss

They need space, remember?

After his parents fall asleep, Jordan flips through Netflix options. He cleans the kitchen. Fluffs, then refluffs his pillow. He does anything but check his phone. What for?

There won’t be a missed call or message or any sign of life from Jamie.

In the dark, he looks around his perfect apartment. All the artwork on the walls and state-of-the-art appliances and stunning views. It’s the epitome ofI’ve made it. This place he’s coveted as a symbol of his success. What he’s worked so hard for.

His own space in Midtown Atlanta was meant to show everyone he was doing everything right. On his own terms.

In reality, it’s just an apartment. A showpiece. Nice, but empty and lifeless.

He needs something to fill it. Problem is, he doesn’t know what.

Sadly, Jordan’s realizing he doesn’t know a lot of things. Where’s his life headed? What happens if he gets fired? What happens if he doesn’t? What did Amy say after she drunkenly stomped off and why did Javi lie for Jordan?

Will he date again? Does he want to?

Can he and Jamie ever be friends? Will this ever stop hurting?

Why does it hurt in the first place?

No answers come to him. Only the night’s silence. That and his phone vibrating underneath him.

He rolls over to pluck it free. The notification isn’t an email from Kami or a missed FaceTime call from Denz or even aHey I miss youtext from Jamie. It’s a calendar reminder for Saturday:

NIC’S BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT @ SKYE’S THE LIMIT!

The disappointment Jordan anticipated never arises. Instead, he smiles into the darkness.

Jordan is late.

He’s never late. He’s an obsessively-on-time, most-likely-early kind of professional. Today, however, he has a good excuse:

Breakfast with his mom and Tevin.

They wanted to have the Talk. Notthat one, thankfully. No, it was the one about where his head was at, outside of work.

With his life.

When Jordan didn’t have an immediate answer, it was the first time he realized workhasbeen his life. The one place he’s put all his energy into. Just like basketball and school. Since he was ten years old and found out that not only did his grandparents reject his biological dad, butherejected Jordan. Never even fought to see him.

He’s never reached out to get to know Jordan.

Never cared to try.

Everything crashed down on Jordan. He’s always invested in things he could show off. Basketball trophies and excellent test scores and scholarships. Promotions and his apartment. A collection of items to prove to his bio dad—to a ghost who didn’t even bother sending him birthday cards—that he was worth fighting for.

That he was… great.

Was any of it worth it? If the other side of the coin is that he’s overcompetitive, and driven to a fault, and lonely?

Jordan doesn’t have an immediate answer. But he has more questions.

When Cheryl switched to the topic of dating, Jordan tensed up. But it wasn’t what he thought. His mom swore no more blind dates. No more interfering.

“I just want you to be happy,” she told him.

“We,” Tevin added enthusiastically, “want you to be honest too.”