Page 142 of Pink Ink

I’m going to fucking kill my father.

I was worried this day would come. I simply didn’t think Roland would be the one who signed Reyna’s death certificate. I’ll have a hit on my head if I take him out, but my options are limited.

“Fuck,” I snarl, throwing a crystal tumbler across the room.

Shepherd will already know what’s gone down since Alex is his favorite fresh blood. Why the fuck was he there?

It’s been impossible trying to organize a clean-up crew to dispose of the body and wipe all traces of Reyna from the scene. Everyone I could send has ties to the Dornmonts or Roland.

I’m going to have to clean it up myself.

The sound of running water from the upstairs shower cuts off. We should have gone straight to the safe house, but she was shivering and scrubbing at his blood on her skin. I couldn’t wait another minute watching her suffer like that when this is all my fault. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t been selfish. Taking her to my townhouse was the only option.

My breaths come out heavy as I pinch the bridge of my nose.

I can’t fucking lose her.

I fuckingcan’t.

Any plan I devise now will result in sacrificing someone I care about. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to Spencer about my intentions or tell him the truth about everything I’ve shielded him from since he was born.

When I left Reyna with Lawrence a week ago, I realized that putting my brother first isn’t enough for me anymore. I was lying to myself if I thought my dedication would ever satisfy them. They were always going to drag Spencer into their fold in some way. So what was the point of throwing away my one shot at happiness just to buy my brother a couple more years of freedom?

Freedom Spencer keeps fighting against because he’s insistent on being involved with the Order.

Last night, I was convinced I would find a way to keep Reyna in my life against all odds. It’s abundantly clear now that the only way it could happen would be if we disappeared. But hiding means ending her career. She will forever be running, keeping herself out of the limelight. Her talent would be wasted because Roland wouldn’t rest until she’s in a grave, and I’m back to being a leashed dog.

Unless I marry Abi.

Fuck that for a joke. I don’t want Abi; I want Reyna. I have only ever wanted Reyna.

But if I married Abi, Roland would remove the target from Reyna’s head. Spencer would be safe for a couple more years. My own career would dissolve into nothing because I’d never have a muse again. I’d be back where I started. A washed-up artist, fighting to hold on to something to call his own.

I may not be willing to ruin my life for Spencer anymore, but am I willing to spend an eternity being miserable if it means Reyna gets her dreams?

Yes.

I’d sacrifice my own happiness for her life even if it killed me. I told her I’m all in. I promised I would never do that again, but what the fuck am I meant to do? Try as I might, I don’t have the power to protect her from the Order if we did go into hiding. The only way to keep her safe is to give myself over to them and do everything they say without question.

One thing I asked for.One thingI wanted. And I can’t fucking have it. Gripping the edge of the kitchen counter, I hang my head beneath my shoulders, scowling at the marble countertop.

I could have washed my hands in holy water, bathed in crystal water, still, I should have been afraid of touching her, because one should never touch art. But for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to break that rule. To stain the art with my blood-soaked hands. Now, her name is painted and sealed in red.

It’s all my fault.

Yet letting go of her is a road that will only lead to despair.

I can’t do it.

I won’t do it to her.

I’m not ready to say my goodbyes.

A click sounds beside me. I slowly turn my head to come face-to-face with the barrel of a gun.

“I told you to stay away, and look what happened.” Shepherd’s voice is a low cadence that doesn’t betray his emotions. He watches me from the kitchen door, cataloging my downfall while wearing a designer suit.

I straighten to my full height and fail to hide my emotions because of my heaving chest.I can’t lose her. I need more time.