Page 136 of Pink Ink

Please don’t leave me.

“If I haven’t made myself clear enough to you, the only person who isn’t good enough isme. I’munworthy of every crumb you have to offer, but I’m a selfish man who’s unwilling to share you with anyone else. Because I’m me, and you’re you, and I’ll never be worthy. I never knew it would be possible for someone to see the real me, and still want me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. There’s no realm of possibility where it isn’t me who’s lacking. I wish with everything I have that what he’s saying is true, because in every lifetime that I’ll live, no one will say that to me again.

“So stay, Reyna,” Maddox pleads. “I need you to stay because nothing has felt right since you left.”

The tears burn a path down my cheek and over his hands. I shouldn’t be alone in this room with him, but it’s the only place in the world that feels right. Here, with him, the universe could catch fire, and he’ll hold me through it.

The sharp edges of my grief become dull when he’s around. It’s still there, waiting to cut me if I stray too close. But life isn’t about getting rid of the feeling. It is about making the corners soft enough to live alongside. I’ve always known this, but it wasn’t until Maddox that I thought it might be in the cards for me.

“You’rekillingme, Reyna. And I’ve killed for you. I’ll be the dark, and I’ll be the fucking shadows to your light, love. Our broken pieces fit together.” His voice comes out in a gravelly rasp against my lips. “So don’t leave. I promise you forever.”

I shake my head. I want this to be real, more than just a blip in time.

“Please,”he whispers, bringing me closer to him.

Moss-colored eyes collide with mine. They see through the cracks and the jagged shards of my psyche, penetrating the fibers that make up my being.He sees me.

Our lips brush together when I swallow. “But your brother.”

Maddox tucks tearstained hair behind my ears. Frowning, he stares off to the side for a moment before refocusing on me. “He can make his own decisions. It’s time I make mine.”

“But… the video?” The Order is watching Spencer. We can’t ignore all the risks. “They’re going to break him. I can’t let you do that for me.” We’re all victims of circumstance, and I’m not worth the repercussions.

“I’m not asking for your permission. I can’t keep torturing myself if this is the life he wants. Spencer could never grow because I’m always there to stop it. He was never offered a choice in the matter, and I never had one. I’m going to end the engagement this week.” He presses a kiss to my tearstained cheek. “If I’m living under someone’s whim, I’d rather it be yours.”

“And what happens once we walk out that door tomorrow?” I gesture to the entrance. I refuse to relive what he put me through again.

“We make it work.” There’s so much vindication in his tone.

Shaking my head, I release myself from his grip, anger rising. Those are the words I wanted to hear three weeks ago when I knocked on his door. He chose to tear me into pieces instead. “Why couldn’t you have told me instead of making me think I’m the problem?”

A wounded look crosses his face. “I thought it would be easier for you to hate me and stay away than both of us fighting the pull. I’d take back what I said in a heartbeat if I could.”

I can feel his guilt through the spaces where we aren’t touching. But guilt isn’t enough. I’ve been hurt by him and the people I care about too many times already. “I can’t trust you won’t pull the same thing on me again.”

The vein in his forehead ticks, and his eyes harden as if he wants me to know what he says next is true. “Then I have a lifetime to prove it to you.”

If I ask myself whether I’d regret walking out the door right now, my answer would be yes. I’m not sure whether he deserves another chance, but I want to have a chance at happiness. Or at least a semblance of it.

I shake my head, unsure what to do. He takes it as rejection.

“Is that what you want? To see me on my knees,begging?” Maddox slides onto the floor, dropping to his knees between my parted legs. “Because I’ll crawl across glass if that’s what you want me to do. I’ll get on my knees every morning and every night if it means you’ll look at me again.”

He palms my thighs and rubs his hands over every curve of my body, anguished, like the only thing that can stop his torment is me and he won’t survive if I let him go.

A sob builds in my throat. “I can’t rely on your words, Maddox. They’ve lied to me before.”

“I’ll do anything. Name it, and it’s yours. I’ll gouge my heart right out of my chest if that’s what you want. Kill my own father if it makes you sleep easier. Anything at all, and I’ll do it.” He drops lower onto his knees, gazing up at me in total despair. “Please, Reyna. Give me one more chance.”

I avert my eyes and wipe away my tears with my sleeve. “I don’t want to be made a fool of again.”

“You won’t. I promise.”

I take a shuddering breath and twist my hands together. Is a chance with Maddox worth the risk of everything he’s described? The very thought of the potential dangers sets me alight when it shouldn’t. But his brother’s life? Maddox’s? We’ll be playing with fire.

Saying yes to him isn’t a declaration that we’ll be bound to each other for an eternity. This can be awe’ll see what happens. A trial period. If the risks become too grave, I can step away.