Page 84 of A Thousand Little Goodbyes

“I think that’s nice,” Chrissie said as she smoothed the ragged ends of the blankets over Scarlett’s lap. “Nan would have liked that.”

She was trying her best not to fuss over Scarlett—at her request—so as soon as her friend was comfortable, she slid onto the longue next to her. There was barely room for the pair of them, but they managed to shift and snuggle until they felt like girls again, hunkering down in a blanket fort barely big enough to hold them both.

“Everything else is arranged already, too,” Scarlett said as she pulled Chrissie’s head down to her chest and started running her fingers through her hair. “My house and my bank accounts, I mean. Idoubt I need to say this, but you and Kat are getting everything. That’s what’s in the stack of papers.”

Chrissie didn’t respond. Underneath her ear, Scarlett’s heartbeat felt steady and strong in a way that felt totally wrong for the time and place. How could a heart that still had that much strength, that much determination to keep going, be so close to stopping forever?

“You aren’t going to argue about the bank accounts? That’s a new one.” Scarlett laughed lightly. “You usually kick and scream any time I transfer money to you.”

“I’m saving my kicking and screaming for after,” Chrissie said. “I’m determined to get through this without a single disagreement.”

“Is that a challenge?” Scarlett laughed again, this time with real humor. “Because I have a few other things I’m planning on saying before I take the pills. There’s no way you’ll last that long.”

Her fingers kept moving in long, slow strokes through Chrissie’s hair. In the back of Chrissie’s mind, she felt that this was backwards somehow—that she should have been the one comforting Scarlett, soothing and petting her way through this, but the familiar sensation felt too good to pull away.

“You can say whatever you want. After what you did for me yesterday, I owe you big time. Telling Kat the truth couldn’t have been easy.”

Scarlett’s fingers faltered. “She’s a good egg, isn’t she?”

Chrissie nodded and burrowed deeper into Scarlett’s embrace. “Thebestegg. Thank you for her.” She twisted her head to look up at her friend. “I mean that. She’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me—present company excepted, of course.”

Scarlett’s lips drooped at the corners. “Don’t lie to me, Chrissie. Not today.”

Chrissie’s heart gave an odd lurch in her chest.

“I’m glad you love her more than me,” Scarlett added before Chrissie could decide on what she wanted to say—if, indeed, shewanted to say anything at all. “That wasn’t always the case, obviously. That first year, when I ran away to Paris… I never did apologize for that, did I? Going radio silent for as long as I did, not even calling to check in on how you two were doing—I don’t have a lot of regrets in my life, but that’s one of them. I shouldn’t have abandoned you like that.”

“Honestly?” Chrissie sniffled, but the tears had yet to fall. “It was probably for the best. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet eventually. Better to toss me in the water and make me swim. You know how reluctant I am to get wet any other way.”

Scarlett’s hand stilled on her head. “Do you really mean that?”

Chrissie gave herself time to consider her answer. Time was the one thing they didn’t have much of, but this was too important to rush.

“I do, actually. At first, I was furious and heartbroken, but in retrospect, I think it was the best thing you could have done. You gave me and Kat a chance to be a family—arealfamily.”

“I’m not sure she’ll ever forgive me. The way she looked at me yesterday, how quick she was to run out of the room and into your arms—”

Chrissie cut her off before Scarlett could travel too far down that path. Nothing but pain lay at the end of it. “That was you giving us a chance to be a family, too. I’m serious, Scarlett. For the first time in months, we’re talking—reallytalking. I’m starting to suspect we might actually make it through these teen years alive.”

She blanched as soon as realized what she’d just said. “Oh god. I’m sorry. I—”

But Scarlett chuckled, breaking the tension and wrapping her arms around Chrissie’s shoulders. “No, don’t apologize. Never apologize—especially when you’re right.”

“Is that another item for my list? Should I grab a pen?”

Scarlett’s hold on her tightened, though whether out of affectionor to keep her from reaching for a writing utensil, Chrissie couldn’t say.

“Yeah, sorry about that whole thing,” Scarlett said. “I was being kind of an asshole.”

“It’s okay. You were just trying to help me get my life back on track.”

Instead of accepting this olive branch, Scarlett grew pensive, her steady breathing matching the light breeze swirling onto the porch around them. “I don’t think that’s true,” she eventually said. “I mean, Idowant you to be happy, but that list was less about you and more about me. It’s just that…none of the other kids at the hospital told me, you know? Grandma either.”

“Told you what?”

Scarlett’s fingers stopped weaving through her hair. “How desperate you get, right at the end, to leave something of yourself behind.”

“Oh.” Chrissie wished she had something more articulate to say, but words had always been Scarlett’s forte, not hers.