Page 82 of A Thousand Little Goodbyes

Chapter Twenty-EightTranquility Estates, Vermont

Present Day

Once upon a time, Chrissie had read a relationship article that stated the best way to hold difficult conversations was while taking a walk. There was something in the act of moving in the same direction, side by side, both parties heading to the future together, that made it easier to tackle subjects that were too much to take on head-to-head.

That it also gave her a chance to hold her daughter’s hand hadn’t been mentioned in the article, but it probably should have been. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Kat had held hands, let alone in a sylvan setting like this one.

“Are you sure Aunt Scarlett will be okay alone at the cabin this long?” Kat asked as they headed along a path marked with signs promising a lake at the end. Her fingers squeezed against Chrissie’s. “She said she wanted to rest for a while, but—”

“She’ll be fine,” Chrissie promised. “And if she’s not… Honey, you know that her plans haven’t changed, right? You and I never talked much about the cancer she had as a kid or the way her grandmother died or even my brother, Malcolm, but she and I have experienced alot of death in our lives. This is her decision, and it’s one she didn’t make lightly.”

“Oh. Okay.” She hesitated, her voice sounding so small that it made Chrissie’s chest clench. “What was he like, your brother?”

Chrissie hesitated, too. Of all the loss she’d experienced in her life, that one didn’t hurt nearly as much as it used to, but to say so felt wrong somehow. Like promising that with time, this pain would dissipate the same way.

“He was quiet,” she said. “Smart. Gentle. I don’t remember much else, to be honest. I was very young at the time, and so much of his life had been spent in and out of hospitals, that we barely got a chance to know each other.”

“Is that why you never talk about him?”

Chrissie took her time stepping over a fallen tree covered with moss. All of her parenting instincts urged her to gloss over this bit, to shove through to the real heart of the matter, but she pushed those instincts aside. Kat was no longer the small, vulnerable child she’d sworn to protect. She was a strong and beautiful young woman who’d just had her world turned upside down—and who was navigating her way through it with a surprising amount of grace.

“That’s part of it, yes. But I also don’t like talking about him because I’ve spent my whole life feeling responsible for his death.”

This made Kat halt in her tracks. “Wait—why?”

They weren’t anywhere near the lake yet, or even in a comfortable clearing, but Chrissie allowed them to pause next to a spindly birch grove.

“They wanted to give him a bone marrow transplant, and as his sister, I was his best chance at a match. But I wasn’t, and he died before they could find a different donor.” She paused, surprised at how readily the story fell from her tongue to her daughter’s understanding ears. “Even though my parents never expressly blamed me for not beingable to help Malcolm, I always felt the accusation simmering under the surface. They pulled away from me after his death—mostly to protect themselves from feeling that kind of pain again—but I had no way of knowing it at the time. I just assumed they were done with me.”

“Is that…” Kat hesitated, her lower lip between her teeth as she struggled to find the words. She drew a deep breath and tried again. “Is that why you don’t talk to them? Or let me talk to them, either?”

“Yes and no.” Chrissie had never spoken the words aloud before, but she was done trying to shield Kat from the worst the world had to offer—mostly because she was coming to learn that the worst and the best often went hand in hand. “Yes, my relationship with them suffered because of Malcolm. And no, that’s not the entire reason why I have nothing to do with them now. The truth is, they never approved of me adopting you the way I did. They couldn’t understand why I’d give up college and a career and dedicate myself to a child who didn’t share my blood.”

“Oh.”

The way Kat said this was so bewildered that Chrissie felt all the anger and frustration of her childhood come rushing to the surface.

“Don’t think for one second that I regret their loss. Ididshare their blood, but they still never gave up anything for me. I’ll introduce them to you if you want, but Scarlett’s grandmother was the one who raised me, not them. Everything I am today is thanks to her.”

“Oh.” This time, the word felt less bleak and more like a growing acceptance. “So you and Scarlett were like sisters.”

“Wearesisters. We always have been and always will be.”

Kat nodded, accepting this statement as well as the ferocity with which it was uttered. “And my dad was your high school boyfriend.”

Chrissie nodded.

“But he and Scarlett hooked up one time.”

She nodded again.

“At her grandmother’s funeral.”

A laugh escaped Chrissie before she could stop herself. It seemed Scarlett had held nothing back. How incredibly typical of her.

“You have to remember that we were only a few years older than you at the time. Alone, grieving, with no idea what to do or how we were going to do it. I don’t blame Aunt Scarlett at all. You know what she’s like. Wild and impulsive and—”

“A lot like me,” Kat finished with a wry smile.