Page 94 of Puppy Christmas

Dawn gave a discreet cough and looked away, but Sophie made an attempt to maintain her innocence. “We don’t think you’re being ridiculous, Lil.”

“Yes, you do. You think I’m ridiculous and uptight, and that I have no idea how the real world works. Everything is a huge joke, and I’m the only one who doesn’t get the punch line. Or maybe I do get it, but you’re sure ass-h-i-tnot going to admit it, because then who would you have to laugh at?”

True to form, Sophie started to giggle.

“I know. It’s hilarious.I’mhilarious.” She was trying not to let her emotions get the better of her, but it wasn’t working. Her voice had reached a higher pitch than normal, her throat tight with trying to keep it all in check. “Go ahead and laugh. At this point, I can’t even blame you.”

“I’m sorry, Lil,” Sophie said, giggling again. “I know it’s not funny, but you just spelled out the word ‘shit’ instead of saying it.”

Dawn nodded. “Rolled it off your tongue like it was nothing.”

Lila stared at them. “So?”

“I’ve just never heard you do that before, that’s all. It’s very maternal of you.”

That word—maternal—acted like a bucket of the Griswold boys’ snowballs over her head. “Ford doesn’t like to swear around Emily,” she said tightly. “I picked up the habit while I was there.”

“Yeah, but you’re not at Ford’s house now,” Sophie pointed out. “This is your own bathroom. You can swear all you want.”

“And I think you should,” Dawn agreed. “You look like you could use it.”

Lila had no idea what had come over her sisters, but she didn’t much care for it. She was having an emotional breakdown over here, or hadn’t they noticed? After all her years of supporting them and loving them and just freaking being there when they needed it, this was how they were going to repay her?

“I don’t want to swear, thank you very much,” she said hotly. “What I want is to go to this party with three bags of ice and a pirate Santa cake. What I want is to get this whole sorry mess over with so I can go back to the cold, lonely life I’ve always led. And I swear on every piece of La Perla underwear you own, Dawn, if you so much as twitch your eyes over toward Sophie, I’m going to barge into your room and rip every single five-hundred-dollar panty to shreds.”

Dawn’s eyes grew wide, but they didn’t shift in either direction.

“I can’t think of what you own that’s equally valuable, Sophie, or I’d threaten you, too. He’s leaving, you guys.” Her voice wavered. “He’s moving to Seattle and taking Emily with him, and I won’t even have the benefit of work to distract me because I think I broke Jeeves, too.”

Both her sisters had their arms around her in an instant. Lila had no way of telling if they shared any knowing looks, but there definitely wasn’t any laughing this time around. All she could hear were clucks of sympathy and soothing susurrations. She also received quite a bit of conflicting advice.

“Just sit right here and put your feet up.”

“Tip your head between your legs and breathe.”

“This calls for pie, I think. And wine.”

“No, this is definitely a pizza situation. With extra cheese.”

Lila neither sat nor tipped her head, and she stopped Sophie before she could run to the kitchen and pull out every fattening food she could find.

“Don’t go, Soph,” she said instead. “It’s not that bad. I don’t need to be babied.”

Her sister halted on the threshold. “Then whatcanI do?”

Nothing. There wasn’t anything under the bleak winter sun that would make this situation anything other than what it was. Not even a pile of puppies—all nine of them this time—would change the fact that Lila’s world was falling apart around her. She’d thought, when Patrick had accused her of perfection, that nothing could ever feel worse.

She’d been wrong.

Insults from a man she’d never really cared about hurt, yes. But what she hadn’t known was that declarations of love from one shedidwere so much worse.

“Please, Lila,” Sophie begged. “Let me do something. I can’t bear seeing you like this.”

It was as good a rebuke as any. As was always the case, Lila needed to be strong. She had to carry the weight of her family on her shoulders. Causing her sisters pain had never been an option.

Even though Lila’s knees felt like buckling underneath her, she forced a smile and stood her ground. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just tired, I think. And premenstrual.”

Although it seemed like the cruelest thing her sisters could do at that moment, their eyes moved toward each other. Lila saw it and felt her insides crush in on themselves. Even now, even when she was holding herself together with nothing but the barest thread of dignity, they couldn’t help but treat her like a sideshow attraction.