Page 16 of Merrick

“It’s okay to like someone,” Justin told him. “It’s okay to want someone without reason.”

Wilder took another aimless bite of his salad, appetite slipping again. He’d fought his way through half of it, and that would have to be enough to carry him through the rest of the day.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” Wilder muttered.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

That was enough.

Wilder shoved his plate into the middle of the table and folded his arms in front of his chest. Across from him, amusement colored Justin’s face.

“Don’t look so smug.”

“It’s nice to see another man fall.” Justin lifted his arm and lowered it like the gate on a toll bridge. “Nice to not be alone in it.”

For years, Wilder had observed Justin’s relationship with Micah and Keith. Sometimes he was jealous of it, and other times he’d been scared of it. Finding himself faced with a similar sort of experience, Wilder was firmly grounded in the fear category.

There was a sort of loss in relationships, at least that was what he’d always thought. It was so easy to lose yourself in another person. Even as a dominant, especially a dominant, it was a slippery slope to consumption. But Justin had been consumed, fully and whole by Micah long before they’d even met Keith. Micah loved to tell the stories to anyone who would listen,the way Justin came into dominance because it was what Micah needed from him, the way Justin saved Keith’s life, the way he’d built a home strong enough to hold all three of them.

Justin was consumed by his partners, but not lost.

And because of that, Wilder knew it was possible.

He thought of Landon and Gregory, the owner of Rapture and his husband. Landon, who was one of the strictest submissive men he’d ever met, only empowered by his relationship with Gregory. And Gregory, who took so much responsibility and ownership to ensure Landon had what he needed in their dynamic, and Gregory was still very much himself, his own person.

Maybe, Wilder wondered for the first time, his last relationship had failed because it hadn’t been right. Chase was handsome and willing, and he was fun and sweet, but he was always a step out of Wilder’s reach. Chase held his heart in his hand, walking backward from Wilder from the first day they’d met. He’d said Wilder would come after him if he wanted it enough, and Wilder did, but it was never to the finish line.

For Wilder, dominance and submission wasn’t about one partner ordering the other around. It was about understanding needs and serving them preemptively. He could easily brew his own coffee in the morning just as he could be the one to make it for his partner. It wasn’t inherently a dominant or submissive act, but the intention behind it served a purpose either way. It was like a dance, in most cases, and he missed the pull of it. Wilder enjoyed the domestic elements of power exchange as much as he enjoyed the sexual aspects of it. And he reminded himself Merrick had made him coffee based off a suggestion after their first night together. He’d had to ask Chase for coffee every morning until he’d given up and made it for himself.

“If he makes me coffee tomorrow morning, what do you want?” Wilder asked, resigned.

“Nothing major. I just want you to give him a chance.” Justin’s eyes sparkled, his expression smug. “Give yourself a chance.”

CHAPTER 7

Merrick

Merrick went homeand got in the shower. He did not jerk off, even though he wanted to. He’d been sporting a perpetual hard-on since Wilder put the gag into his mouth, and his body showed no signs of settling down. He did sit down to paint, though, trying to pull in some color to get the gradient on the sunset the way he wanted it.

Watercolor was a forgiving media when it wanted to be, but it also took patience to perfect. Merrick was far from perfect, but he did have patience, especially for art. He painted right up until it was time to leave, not bothering to rinse his brushes before darting out the door to work.

Sitting down across from Holden wasn’t even enough to run his mood. Things were still a little weird at work with Holden sleeping with Bryce, but Merrick managed to talk his way through it. He’d said his piece to Holden after he found out and put it behind him, but sometimes he would look up from his station and remember the man working twenty feet away from him had fucked his younger brother. Was actively fucking his younger brother.

That was fine.

Bryce was happy.

Merrick was also happy, even though he didn’t know how long that would last. He tattooed a guy’s throat, another guy’s calf, and the top of a woman’s back, and decided to call it a day. Normally, if he didn’t have appointments at the end of the night, he would hang out and take walk-ins. That wasn’t something his boss, Riggs, required, but Merrick liked money and he liked conversation.

He finished cleaning up his station and said goodbye to Riggs and Holden before slipping out the door just after nine. He’d exchanged a few messages with Wilder earlier in the day, namely trading phone numbers so he could get out of the app but also letting Wilder know they had drastically different work schedules from each other. Wilder promised him nine-thirty wasn’t too late, and so with five minutes to spare, Merrick rang the other man’s doorbell and waited.

Wilder opened the door in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a hoodie. His feet were bare, his hair damp, and his mouth set into an easy smile that Merrick decided he very much wanted to kiss. Wilder gave him a quick appraisal, starting at his face, passing over the shipyard supply shirt he’d thrifted over the summer, his torn jeans, and ink-splattered Vans before gliding back up to his eyes.

“Hey,” Wilder greeted, stepping aside to let him in. “Good to see you.”

Merrick laughed awkwardly, wondering why the thought of kissing someone else was giving him so much anxiety. He toed off his sneakers and kicked them toward the door, tapping his thumbnails together nervously while Wilder closed the door behind him and rested against it.