Page 74 of Laying Low

“Anthony?”Reg said, as his fingers flew on the keyboard and he switched screens.

“Yeah?”

“You know if you buy that property, you’re going to have to have somebody clear out all the snakes, right?Because we’re pretty sure they weren’t funded to relocate the animals—only the offices.”

“So they justlet them go?”Anthony squawked.

“Well, yeah.I mean, theyareindigenous to the area.They’re not even an invasive species.”

“I’ll start looking for a service before I close escrow,” Anthony vowed.Then he paused.“So, uhm, is that where you’re sending—”

Outside the room, a radio squawked, and a bunch of angry voices started giving directions.Somebody said, “Wait,whereare we driving out to?”and somebody else—angry too—said, “What’s it to you?That’s where dispatch is sending us!Follow the GPS and go!”

And then there was a clatter of feet, and they were gone.

“Should we go out there?”Anthony said.

“No,” Reg murmured.“Let me… okay… let me… and… okay.There we go.Wait.One more address.”

“What are you doing?”Anthony asked, sounding legitimately curious.

“Well, from what we just heard, nobody’s local.None of the people in charge.Maybe not even the dispatch center,” Reg said thoughtfully.“So, if I sent somebody out to, say, Snakeshit Acres or, you know, the sewage treatment plant or the illegal landfill or some of the manure piles of the local cattle farms, they have to rely on GPS to get there and—”

Anthony made a quiet sound of supreme amusement.“So how are you—”

“Whenever our address pops up,” Reg said darkly.“And whenever the school’s address pops up in their computer, the algorithm will switch it out, randomly, for someplace nobody wants to be.”

“How long do you think it will be,” Anthony asked, “before somebody catches on?”

“It depends on how long they overstaff their agency with people who are undertrained and then send out nonlocals to terrorize local populations,” Reg said grimly.“At this rate, given that Bratva just impersonated them at a local high school andnobodyis aware of it butCanada, I’m thinking those boys are going to be smelling like shit for a long time.”

“God, I love you,” Anthony said.“I mean—brilliant.Nonviolent, brainy resistance.If it wasn’t for the snake, I’d make out with you right here.”

Reg sent him a grin and kept typing, wanting to cover his tracks so even if somebody figured out what he’d done, they wouldn’t know he’d done it.

He’d discovered he was really good at protecting the people he loved.

A few minutes later, he put the final keystroke on his masterpiece and then shut down all his equipment but the public router the rest of his family used, deciding it was best his ISP laid low for a month or so.He turned to find Anthony holding Muffin in hisotherhand, her body drooping from his arm as he stroked her gently behind the head.

“It’s her sweet spot,” he said.“But I still think she’d rather be in her enclosure.”

“Are you ready for my family yet?”Reg asked, “or do you want to go put her away while I, uhm….”

“Yeah,” Anthony said, leaning in to kiss his cheek.“I think you’re more than a match for your family, Reg.Go be part of them.They’ll be so proud to know the real you.”

Into the Horizon

DEAN:OHmy God, you people will not believe what Reg just did.

Chance:Was it find my snake?Marcus texted me an hour ago that she was missing, and I’ve been so worried!

Dean:Yes, but besides that.No—I’m serious.ICE wasin our house, giving Marcus shit, threating to haul Mom away in handcuffs if she didn’t stop calling them “gutless fuckers,” and suddenly they all get this urgent call from dispatch and vamoose.

Sal: Reg did that?

Dean:He sent them to the rattlesnake reserve.

Laure:Seriously?