Page 38 of A Highland Duke to Claim Her Heart

But Ewan… Ewan wanted her to follow her own desires. And it meant more to her than she could ever say.

They were close to one another, but not quite touching, and as she gazed up at him, Cassandra felt something flicker in her belly. It was exactly how she had felt when she had heard the lock click in the door on their wedding night, and she had realized they were finally alone.

When she had thought, and perhaps even hoped, that they were about to become closer.

Her jaw tightened.

He does not want that, she reminded herself.And it was dangerous to hope.

It shouldn’t have hurt her so much. But it did, she could not help the pain that bloomed in her chest. She was alone here in a clearing with her husband, a man who was thoughtful and protective, who wanted her to love her life in Scotland, but who did not want to love her. Not as a husband loved a wife.

Was it her? Was she not attractive to him?

These thoughts filled her head, and she had to turn away before he could see the pain in her eyes.

“I should begin to clear it,” she heard herself say, as she pretended to be interested in looking around the clearing, when really, she was drying her eyes. “Cut away all the grass, till the soil, bring in the raised beds… It will truly be an undertaking.”

“We can begin today, if you want,” Ewan said. “Whatever you desire.”

We.She heard the word distinctly, and it tugged at her heartstrings as if she had weights attached to them. He wanted to help her with this. It meant so much to her that she felt another swell of emotion, but she swallowed it down.

***

For the rest of the day, they worked together to clear all the grass and weeds. Ewan brought in servants to help them, and soon they were cutting the grass, weeding out the flowers and heather, and carrying away all the brambles and stones.

Annabelle also wanted to be involved, after Ewan told her what they were planning on one of the trips back to the house, and for some reason decided to dig a giant hole right in the middle of the clearing.

“That is only going to take more time to fill in later,” Ewan said, frowning at the hole while sitting on a log, trying to sketch her drainage system.

Cassandra, who was sketching out what she thought the garden should look like next to him, shook her head. “She is a child,” she scolded him. “She has to be allowed to do silly things that inconvenience us.”

“Is that what children are supposed to do?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

She bit her lip. “Actually, I do not know. My own childhood was miserable. I was always being forced to memorize Latin or play the pianoforte, and I was never allowed to do anything I wanted or have any fun.”

“No, nor I,” Ewan said, and they looked at one another. Cassandra raised her eyebrows.

“Then perhaps that is why we will allow Annabelle to enjoy her childhood and follow her instincts. To be different kinds of parents than our own parents were.”

She saw him blink at the wordsparents.

“I did not mean—” she began quickly. “I know I am not her mother, I only meant—”

But Ewan put out a hand to steady her, resting it on her arm, and she stuttered to a stop.

“You are becoming her mother,” he said softly. “That is what she needs more than anything. And I agree with you. We should allow her to have fun. To have the kind of childhood that was not allowed for us.”

The understanding that passed between them then made the back of Cassandra’s neck prickle with awareness. At the same time, a feeling of deep sadness settled over her, like someone had just put a shroud across her shoulders.

We will not have our own children to shape and nurture and parent.

The thought made her feel as if she was going to cry, and she had to occupy herself with her sketch. It was better not to dwell on this. At least not yet.

There was, perhaps, still time to change Ewan’s mind…

Later that afternoon, Lillian and Alaric also joined them, and they spread a blanket out on the ground and enjoyed a picnic of cold ham, salads, and pies. Alaric and Lillian sat next to each other, Cassandra could not help but notice, and whenever Lillian spoke, Alaric’s eyes snapped to her at once.

He seemed to drink her in every time he looked at her. Watching them, Cassandra felt almost faint. It wasn’t exactly envy that she felt. She was happy for Lillian, who blushed prettily whenever she caught Alaric’s eye and who seemed to buzz with the energy of a woman who knows she is admired.