Page 88 of This Life of Mine

People who step forward the moment I allow myself to step back.

By late afternoon, I get ready. By ready, I mean I showered after my soak, threw on some shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing rushed, frantic, or overdone.

My thoughts drift, uninvited.

Dinner with Alex at my house.

Is sex on the table? Oh…sex on the table.

Do I have condoms?

Will he bring one?

I bet he has a big…

“Okay, I need to stop,” I say out loud to myself.

I hate that my brain goes there. But part of me wonders if sleeping together on the first date would make me seem reckless—or worse, predictable. Does that make me a slut? Or is that merely old programming rearing its ugly head again?

I sigh at my reflection.

Damn my mid-thirties libido. Because it’s there. Loud and unapologetic, far worse than it ever was in my twenties.

Thinking about his big, masculine hands on my body. His voice. The quiet intensity. The way he watches me, even when he’s not trying, like he sees the whole picture and isn’t afraid of it.

Get it together, woman!

Tonight doesn’t have to be anything other than dinner. It doesn’t have to end anywhere specific. It doesn’t have to prove anything.

But I also don’t owe anyone restraint for my desire, on a timeline that isn’t theirs. Fuck taboo bullshit.

But for now, I’ll settle for clean laundry, a healed body in progress, and a quiet evening with someone who showed up when it mattered.

Whatever happens after that? That’s for me to judge.

Chapter twenty-eight

Lina

Alex shows up right after six, arms full of grocery bags, shoulders squared like the weight of ten bags doesn’t bother him at all.

“Hey,” I say. The smell of fresh herbs and something citrusy drifts between us.

“Hey,” he replies, smiling.

I notice the bags. “Here. Let me help you with those.”

He pulls back instinctively, almost amused. “I’ve got it,” he says gently.

I blink. “I’m serious, it’s fine.”

He shakes his head, firm but gentle. “Where I’m from, gentlemen carry bags.”

A soft, comforting warmth flows through me, bringing a smile to my face.

I step aside, letting him pass. “Well, okay.”

It’s such a small thing. Almost nothing. Yet it lingers far longer than it should.