Page 93 of Let's Be Forever

“What did you find at the park,querida?” I sit her on the island.

She digs in the front pocket of her overalls, and pulls out something small and green. “Four leaf.”

I gasp enthusiastically. “A four-leaf clover? You know what this means?”

She stares at me, her eyes wide and bright. “What?”

“It means good luck. I’m going to do very well tonight because of you.” I take it from her hand and carefully stuff it in my pocket. “Daddy’s going to win.”

Her eyes sparkle, and a proud smile grows on her face. “Daddy’s going to win.”

The backs of my eyes burn, but I force myself to keep it together and dart my gaze to Anna.I hope that’s okay?I want to ask to make sure I’m not overstepping, but her eyes and smile are so tender, so warm, I know she’s okay with it.

“He is,” Anna agrees. “Now he needs to eat this and watch one episode ofThe Punisher.”

I have a pre-game ritual. I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watch one episode ofThe Punisher. It started after I scored my first hat trick when I did those two things, so now I do it before every game.

“I want.” Rosie grabs the sandwich and eats it while I make another and offer Maya one.

And then we’re all sitting in the living room, eating our sandwiches as we watch one episode before I need to leave.

Life has never been better.

38

SYLAS

As far back asI can remember, ever since I’ve played hockey, there’s been an insurmountable weight of anxiety chained around my throat.

The pressure of being perfect, of not making any mistakes, of knowing what would happen if I lost, was overwhelming to say the least.

When Anna came into my life, the nerves were less but they were still there. But now, I don’t feel them. I anticipated for it to come unwelcome like it usually does, but as I ate my sandwich and watchedThe Punisherwith my family, got to the locker room and changed, it never arrived.

And as I stand on the ice, left of Marc, waiting for the puck to be dropped, for Matias and the opposing player to face off, I feel nothing but at ease.

Anna may not be here, but after seeing her earlier today and getting the four-leaf clover from Rosie, I feel good—no, I feel better than good. But I know this also has a lot to do with knowing there are no more expectations or punishments from my father. The latter hasn’t happened in a while, but nonethelessI feel relieved. And knowing he’s not here, that he doesn’t care, makes me feel good.

“Ready?” Marc says loudly over the cheering of the crowd. His grin is wide, I know mine is mirroring his.

I’m nodding, getting in position just as Callan, who stands behind me, says, “Let’s see if you were worth getting.”

“Are you just forgetting about the preseason games?” Joey asks amused, standing opposite of him.

“Ehh.” He shrugs, getting in position. “This is the firstregulargame of the season. He?—”

“Focus!” Matias tells him.

“Focus.” I smirk at Callan.

And then it’s not long before the game starts, Matias wins the face-off and the game officially starts.

I haven’t experienced a post-game high like this in a while. Usually after interviews and following the recovery treatment, it subsides, but I’m still feeling it. It runs deep through my veins, wraps around my bones, and rushes to my brain.

“You sure you don’t want to come out?” Marc asks as we walk side by side out of the locker room.

The guys follow behind us, asking the same questions. They have since the game ended. Everyone wants to celebrate. I do too, but not with them.

“Come on.” Joey tugs on my arm. “We won’t even be out that late.”