Page 47 of Let's Be Forever

Her words come in and out, and my vision fogs. I try to make out what she’s saying, beg my mouth to open, to force the words out, but everything stays lodged in the back of my throat.

God, I need my cigarettes.

“Sylas?” Anna hesitantly takes a few steps toward me. “Hey, you okay?”

“No, I need to sit down,” I think I say before dropping to the floor, right where I’m at.

I break into a cold sweat as I lie on my back, and everything spins, even when I close my eyes. Her voice starts far away, but it slowly becomes a touch louder. Then I feel her warmth, get a faint hint of her perfume, and my body feels like it’s semi mine when her hand rests on my shoulder.

When I open my eyes, she’s sitting on her knees looking down at me with concern etched on her face, palm still on me.

“I’m okay,” I say, embarrassed, but I don’t bother to move from my spot on the floor and neither does she. “Just got dizzy. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look like you’re fine.” She pauses, softly massaging me. I’m not sure if she realizes she’s doing it, but I’m thankful for the soothing motion. “You want to talk to me? I’m here.”

I shield my face with my arm, not able to look her in the eyes anymore. “No, it’s all right. If you need to leave, that’s okay.”

I always am when this happens, and this is better than a panic attack. So it’s kind of a win, or it would have been if Anna hadn’t been here to witness it.

It grows quiet and then I hear shuffling, and when I take a peek, she’s lying on the floor next to me.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.” She takes my hand in hers and squeezes it.

“I hope you know I didn’t do this on purpose. I swear, I’m okay now. You don’t?—”

“Sylas, shut up.” She squeezes my hand again. I turn my head, and she turns hers and graces me with the smallest smile. “Breathe.”

20

ANNA

I’m not an asshole,I think to myself as I lie on the floor next to him.

That’s the only reason why I’m still here. I couldn’t just leave him. It’s obvious he’s not okay. You don’t just randomly get dizzy to the point you need to lie down.

He’s breathing and exhaling deeply, and from the corner of my eye, I see his chest rise and fall, rhythmically and on beat as if it’s something he’s practiced. His eyes are lasered on the ceiling, and every few seconds he blinks.

“I know it’s been a while,” I begin, darting my attention to where he is focused. “But you can talk to me. If you don’t feel comfortable or don’t trust me, I?—”

“Anna, you could ask for my social security number and I’d give it to you.”

“I know it, remember?”

It’s like our brains are linked together because in sync we turn to look at each other. I’m certain the memory is playing in his head like it is in mine.

Sylas was helping me pack my things to leave for France when I made a comment about my social security number. Hethen admitted he didn’t know his, so we agreed I’d help him memorize it. In English, Spanish, Portuguese, and French, we practiced. He was trying to teach me how to speak Portuguese and I really needed to learn French.

It was just one of the many things we learned to do together.

And then I had to learn to be by myself again until Rosie was born.

“I feel a lot of things, but being uncomfortable isn’t one of them. And I trust you more than I do anyone.” His eyes trap me in a trance, and the vulnerability in his voice anchors my being, making it hard for me to look away or break myself free.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask him, tapping my index finger on the wooden floor.

“You’re going to be disappointed in me.” His lips twist, gaze dropping as if he were ashamed.

“You shouldn’t care what I think,” I assure him.