Page 39 of Let's Be Forever

“That I get to play with Rosie for a few hours and do all the fun stuff, and at the end of the day, she goes back to you.” She softly pinches her cheek, smiling at my daughter. “I would lose my absolute mind if I had a child.” Her face scrunches, her gaze far away. Her lips twist, and she shudders. “Yeah, no thanks. I wasn’t made to have kids, but I was definitely made to be an aunt.” She takes Rosie’s other hand and wipes it clean.

“Enjoy her toddler years because she’ll be your only niece.” I stuff a pile of scrambled eggs into my mouth.

“You’re really done having kids?” Her eyes flick to Rosie and back to me. Her tone isn’t judging, just curious.

“I didn’t mean to start.” I immediately regret saying that. “I mean, Rosie wasn’t in the plans, she just happened. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and?—”

“It’s okay.” Maya interrupts me, her expression softening into what looks like sympathy, I think. “I know you love her, but you’re human.”

I exhale a sharp breath and pick up my steaming mug of coffee, taking a small sip. “I’ve always wanted kids, dreamed of having them with Sylas.” I glance at Rosie. She attempts topocket a piece of bread, but she realizes I’m watching her, so she stuffs it in her mouth. That dulls the heaviness in my chest and I smile. “But that was maybe after we were thirty and had our lives together. After we had years of experience in our jobs and traveled the world. We didn’t have a set time, but we said we’d do it together. All of it.”

She chews and swallows. “You know Sylas isn’t the only man in the world. Yes, he’s attractive—I get what you saw in him—but there are many hotter, better men out there. You can move on.”

The steam fogging up my glasses makes me realize just how close I’ve had the cup to my face. Setting it down, I try and fail to speak my mind. I smile, finding it’s always easier to do that than to be sad. I don’t have time for pity or for tears.

“It’s not that Ican’tmove on.” I’m certain he has. “But…but…” Flashbacks of all the times I cried and felt alone hover like an angry black cloud. I look at my plate, feeling pathetic. I can’t say this while looking her in the eye. “I know everyone goes through it. I know it’s not the end of the world. I know there are many sayings about ‘you live and you learn,’ but I don’t want to experience that heartbreak again. It’s stupid, I know, and I know you’ve experienced—sorry, forget I said anything.”

“Yeah, I got cheated on and it hurt, but I didn’t love him.”

Her admittance stuns me. “What? But you were going to marry him.”

She lifts a shoulder. “I thought I loved him, but I realized I loved the idea of making Mom happy. She loved him for me and…anyway, leaving him was the best thing I could have ever done. I didn’t experience what you did because it’s different—you love Sylas.”

Loved. I should correct her, but I can’t bring myself to.

I want to ask her what happened with Mom, but that would entail answering her questions in return. I guess maybe it’s time we talked.

“Dealing with Sylas’s parents when I wanted him to know about the pregnancy was…difficult.” I trap my bottom lip between my teeth as it quivers. “No one has ever made me feel so insignificant, so small. I’ve never been more humiliated in my life.”

“What did they do?” Her voice is even, but I hear the anger brimming behind the calmness.

I give a bitter smile, meeting her stare. Shame swallows me whole, but I continue. “When Mom cut me off junior year after I told her I didn’t want to go to law school, I was struggling with money. Then rent went up and I was desperate.”

She doesn’t interrupt me, but I hear thewhat did you doquestion.

I chuckle, shaking my head. “At first, it was innocent. Sylas was part of this auction at KYU and he wanted me to bid on him. Then he lied to his parents and told them we were dating because they were pressuring him to date someone else.”

Saying “someone” is an understatement. Florence is a well-known actress, and despite everyone believing she’s a bitch, she’s not. For whatever reason she puts up this mean girl act. She plays it well, but I’ve seen past the facade.

“I went along with it because I knew all about being pressured. It was meant to be a one and done, but then his parents wanted to see us more because they didn’t buy it. I played into it after he said he would pay me to fake date him.” I pause, remembering the night that changed the trajectory of my life. “It should’ve been just that, but then we decided to have fun with it.” I drag my fingers through my hair, anticipating her judgment.

“Fun with it?”

My face burns. “I had sex with Sylas in exchange for money—when he wanted, however he wanted.”

She jerks back, staring at me incredulously. Her mouth falls open, but no words come out.

I understand how it sounds, but it was foreplay. We had so much fun, and the sex was always hot.

“Stop looking at me like that.” I tilt my neck side to side, trying to relieve the pressure. “It was my choice, and we agreed to keep it between us. Well, it was supposed to be between us. I don’t know if he told his parents or if they found out on their own, but they made sure to remind me he had all that money because of them.” I drop my gaze, setting my fork down, my appetite gone. “They demanded I give them everything back and pay whatever I had used. And I did.”

And I was so broke after.

“I know this will sound dramatic, but despite everything they put me through, nothing hurt me more than when Sylas broke up with me.” I shut my eyes briefly, hating that even after all these years, the heavy ache in my chest has never left. I lay my palm flat where my heart lies, wishing I could eviscerate the pain. “When I was with him, he made me feel enough for him. Like it didn’t matter that I didn’t grow up with the kind of money he had or that I didn’t fit in his social circle. But it was a lie. I was never enough, not for him. Knowing he preferred to end things than to talk to me…That didn’t only hurt, it destroyed me. Pain is inevitable, I know, but that’s one feeling I never want to experience again. And because it’s preventable, I’m staying away from it. I don’t ever want to be in another relationship or have any more kids. I’m happy with Rosie and the life I have alone.” I push my chair back, standing. “I should go get ready.”

I need to move, but I can’t do anything but stare at the concierge.

I’m inside Sylas’s building. All I need to do is give the man my name and he’ll escort me to the elevator that leads straight to his penthouse. Sylas told me he’d already given them my name, so they’re aware I’m coming. But I’m stuck, frozen by the bright red flags waving in my head. He also told me to let him know when I arrived, but I’m not going to do that.