Page 34 of Let's Be Forever

Maya scratches her temple, gaze drawn to Rosie who’s playing with her toys and is blissfully unaware of the tension filling the living room.

Last night when I got home after speaking to Sylas, I told Maya everything. Aside from asking when he was going to see her, she had nothing else to say. I’m afraid she’s bottling it up and will eventually go off on me for being so stupid and naive. I can’t tell what she’s thinking, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t leave me feeling uneasy. The last time we talked about Sylas, we got into an argument, and it was so bad we stopped talking for years.

Our relationship is fragile, and while we have yet to really talk, she’s making an effort to be in my life. Well, now I don’t know.

Since the bakery is closed today, Sylas will be coming over. I know it’s all too quick—I should’ve given it some time to reallythink it through—but it’s not his fault we were both lied to. However, I don’t know if Maya sees it that way.

My phone buzzes on the small coffee table, and messages from Jenny and Em appear. I don’t reply, too anxious, my palms drenched.

A few knocks on the door freeze me whole. Maya still hasn’t spoken, and I think she’s going to scold me for being an idiot when she stands and looks at me. But the words that leave her mouth somewhat alleviate the nervous energy crippling me.

“I know I…said a lot of things about Sylas.” She exhales a shaky breath. “I’m not trying to make this about me, but will I still be able to see Rosie? I’m sure he probably won’t care to see me after everything I said, and I can’t say I blame him. But I really want to be in her life and?—”

My lips twitch. “Isthatwhy you’ve been quiet?”

Her face flushes, and she wrings her fingers. “I’m sure you vented about me to him, and I can’t imagine I left a wonderful impression, so?—”

“Maya.” My hands itch to hug her, but we don’t do that, so I stand in my spot. “I may have vented a time or two, but there were things I kept to myself.”

“Why?” she asks, perplexed. “You can be honest. I won’t blame you if you did. If you called me names or said anything bad about me, I won’t be upset. I promise.”

“Talking about you made me want to cry, so I didn’t…” I shrug. “You know how much I hate crying. Which is funny because it’s all I did while pregnant.”

“Yeah.” She breathes a laugh, her expression poignant. “I’m sorry.”

“It was all the hormones. Being pregnant does?—”

“No, not that. I’m sorry I wasn’t—” Her voice thickens, but she clears her throat. “There.”

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” I smile, meaning it. Another knock and she tenses. “Nothing is going to change. Rosie loves you, and that’s not something anyone is going to take from her. You’re also the cheapest I’ve ever paid for a sitter. There’s no getting rid of you.”

Maya rolls her eyes with faux annoyance. “You don’t pay me.”

“Because you won’t let me,” I counter. “So, you weren’t quiet because you think I’m an idiot for allowing this to happen? For letting him into her life?”

“No, I don’t think you’re an idiot. You’re doing what’s best for your daughter. I trust you know what you’re doing. If you say he looked physically distraught last night, and you believe he didn’t know, then I do too.”

For the sake of not getting emotional, I keep my response brief. “Thank you.”

“I really hope this works out, but if it’s too good to be true, I’ll castrate him.” She stands over Rosie, kisses the top of her head, and heads to the front door, slipping her shoes on. Peering over her shoulder, she pins me with a threatening look. “I mean it. Call me if you need anything.”

She opens the door and my spine goes erect, my nerves ratcheting up tenfold until I hear Sylas’s deep “Hey?” and Maya’s reply of “Don’t fuck this up.”

Pivoting, I spot Sylas still standing at the front door. His dark brown brows are pinched and his lips are pursed. He doesn’t look irked but rather puzzled. “Was that…” He throws a thumb over his shoulder. “Maya?”

“Yeah.”

I saunter closer to him. Since we parted ways, I told myself I’d be okay with this, that he has a right to see his daughter because he did nothing wrong. He was lied to like I was. And I told myself I’d manage being in front of Sylas. I was okay yesterday and I will be today.

But things are different right now. Standing just a few inches away from each other, a parade of memories float in my head. It doesn’t help that he’s tall and broad but doesn’t look one bit like he did the last time I saw him. And I don’t mean when he was injured, I mean before. He was already built, but now he’s more muscle, more?—

No, stop it! Don’t stare! Stop staring!Despite what his parents did, he broke up with me. He made that decision. It was easier for him to end things than to let me in.You weren’t enough for him, Anna. You’re doing this for Rosie. She’s the only reason he’s here.

The mental pep talk helps ground me, but not enough because when his eyes sweep over me, I hate how I feel self-conscious. I’ve managed to lose all the weight I gained while pregnant. I’m avidly working out, doing my best to eat healthy, but my body has changed a lot, and where I didn’t have stretch marks before, I do now.

I don’t care what he thinks, it’s irrelevant. He’s Rosie’s father, my ex-boyfriend. I’m fine. We’re going to be civil. People do it all the time. I am happy with my body. I am happy without him.

I. Am. Happy.