Page 32 of Let's Be Forever

“Yeah you do.” I kiss her once. “We really are adorable. Saying the L word on Valentine’s Day, who would’ve thought? And you’re cooking my favorite meal? What’s next, you’ll tell me you’re wearing lingerie?”

She adopts a sly look, mouth stretched into a cunning grin. “Wash your hands. Dinner’s almost ready.”

As I open the door, I’m greeted by the scent of whatever cleaning product was used to clean my condo, followed by silence and more silence.

Trudging inside, I enter the dark, empty living room. I almost drop on the sectional, but instead, swipe up my guilty pleasure from the island and head to the terrace.

I almost light up the cigarette, the flame close to the tip, but I put think better of it and set them on the table. My lungs yearn for the burn, and my brain craves the nicotine, knowing it’ll help mellow my mounting anxiety. But I don’t grab the cigarette, don’t even look at it. Instead, I fish out my phone and call the only person who will bring some sense of clarity.

It takes a few rings but then Thea answers. “Sy? Hey! Everything okay?”

Leaning my elbows along the railing, I let my head drop. “I fucked up.”

“Another fight? We talked about this.” She heaves a disgruntled sigh. “You need to stop using your fists outside the rink. You can’t?—”

“No, I didn’t get arrested again.” It only happened once—after I found out Anna had blocked me. I hadn’t meant to punch the guy, but he kept antagonizing me, chirping me aboutmy injury. I was drunk and I didn’t think when I repeatedly slammed my fist into his face. “I saw Anna. She lives in Boston.”

She’s yawning, but I think she forces it to stop. “She does? Did you talk to her? Are you guys getting back together? Did you tell her I told you you’re a dumbass for breaking up with her? Did you tell her I?—”

I quickly cut her off. “Yes. Yes. No.” A frown indents between my brows as I remember how she didn’t want me to touch her, like she was repulsed by the contact. “No. I didn’t tell her. It was hard to talk about anything but our daughter.”

Daughter. I have a daughter. A girl. A kid. I have a little human who’s mine.

She laughs disbelievingly. “What did you say? I don’t think I heard correctly.”

“You did, Thea. You did.”

She goes silent, and I do nothing to fill it. My head hurts, and the nausea returns. I don’t feel like throwing up, but I still feel sick.

“You’re a dad?” Her voice is hushed, skeptical, but beneath it, I hear the realization.

“I am. I’m a dad. I have a little girl. She’s two, and her name is Rosie.” My voice is level, but the words sound foreign as they leave my mouth. This entire moment feels unreal, like I’m not processing, like I’m outside my body and I’m watching everything happen in slow motion. “Anna tried to tell me. Multiple times. But…” My voice shakes, fury spiking again. I grip the railing until my knuckles bleach white. “Mom and Dad…I don’t know what happened, but they made sure I didn’t know. I don’t know…I don’t know…I don’t…”

“Breathe, Sylas, breathe,” she instructs. “Breathe.”

I expel a shuddering sigh and close my eyes, trying to focus and release the tension holding my body hostage.

“Did you know?”

Thea gasps. “Sylas! What the actual fuck? No! If I did, I would have told you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I just don’t know what to think. Mom and Dad, they threatened her.” I explain what Anna told me, and when I’m finished, she goes silent again but only briefly.

“I swear to fuck!” There’s some huffing and heavy stomps in the background. She’s pacing, I’m certain. “I knew our parents were pieces of shit. But that’s a worse kind of…what the actual fuck? God, poor Anna. I can’t believe—no, I shouldn’t be surprised. Of course they would.” She laughs dryly. “They always need to be in control of everything. They need to?—”

“Thea, breathe.” Now it’s my turn to calm her down. “I’m close to hopping on a flight and committing murder. If you stay angry, I’ll get angrier and I can’t.”

“Right, yeah, sorry.” Her steps don’t sound as heavy, her breathing less labored. “I’m sorry. I’m angry for you, for her. This is so fucked.”

“I know…” I roll my tight shoulders forward then backward. The pressure between them is too intense. “I missed her birth,” I say after a beat, the words burning as they leave my lips. “I promised Anna I’d be there for her and I wasn’t.” My bottom lip quivers. “I failed her, Thea. I…fuck…”

“Hey, Sy, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. You didn’t know, and I know you. If you had, you would have been there for her.”

“I still broke up with her. I ended things. If I hadn’t?—”

“Don’t dwell on the past. You can’t change it. Focus on what you can do now. What’s going to happen?”

“I’m meeting Rosie tomorrow and that’s all we agreed to for now. I don’t know what’s going to happen after, but I imagine taking things slow. Which is probably the best for all three of us, but I’m going to be there. As long as Anna lets me, I’m going to be there.”