Page 53 of Stay Dangerous

“I’m never gon’ be against you living life and having fun, because you deserve it, ‘specially after what your parents pulled awhile back. And I’m glad to know you was on your way out when we seen you. But Snow, you gotta be on yo Ps and Qs. The city is a warzone right now, and not just over here. I can’t be out here on some slimy shit and be worried about you.”

His shoulders hunched as he averted his eyes. “Seeing you in that house… I ain’t felt fear like that in a long time. Really only felt fear like that when it came to my mama. Didn’t shit matter but getting you somewhere safe; not them niggas, not my bros, shit, not myself. And that’s unacceptable. So you gotta play your part, Snow.”

“And what’s my part, Rico?”

We locked eyes as he sat up straight. “You want me to spell it out?”

“Well, yeah,” I said, folding my arms. “You and this talking around in circles. I am not Fredo, and I’m not gonna go to Fredo every time I want him to decipher what you mean by your words and actions. Be straight up with me. What is my part? What am I supposed to do and act? I’m not asking for Birch Baby secrets, but you can give me something.”

He let my words settle for a little minute. Then, his lips spread, all pearly white teeth showing in a glorious smile.

He looked almost boyish, nothing like the hardened boy he has to be out in the world.

“This the way you need to boss up on niggas, Snow. Not with your hands, but with your words. Demand respect in every room you walk into, because you deserve it. Because you mine.”

My lips parted, just as I was about to nod in agreement.

His?

He grabbed my hands and brought them to his lips. “You the most important person in my life. Neck and neck with my brother, but you there, Snow. I truly, truly hate that shit foryou, but if I ain’t think you could hold me down, you wouldn’t have made it this far. But on top of niggas being thirsty off bat, muthafuckas know you rollin’ with us, and they gon’ try you to get to us… to me. You gotta understand that shit and move accordingly.”

“How is that fair?” I blurted, too confused to focus on anything except knowing that, despite not even knowing sign language, I was now gang affiliated.

“I been told you life not fair. But even if we wasn’t locked in, muthafuckas know your sister is Turk’s best friend, and they know who he run with and where he from. I’m not even the type to broadcast my shit; in fact, this shit right here is still on the lowest of keys. But you still can’t move like you untouchable, Snow. Anyone is touchable, but me knowing that you moving smart and staying out the way will help me sleep at night when I’m away from you.”

My brain was broken.

Girls would talk about how boys asked them out, and it would be cute stuff, over a study date, before homecoming.

The first time I may actually like a boy more than he likes me, my boyfriend proposal is wrapped in threats to my safety, after said boyfriend shot up the party he rescued me from.

And yet, I still squeezed his hands back. “So you’re saying… you’re my boyfriend?” I wiggled my eyebrows for added effect, and he laughed, just like I wanted.

“That’s all you got from that?”

One of my hands left his to wave him off. “You’re dangerous, I have to have my wits about me, blah blah. You know, you’ve been doing this whole ‘I’m a dangerous gangerbanger’ schtick for years, and I’m not testing your gangster, like at all, but you have to know, I’ve known Set and Turkey since–”

“But I’m not them–”

“Iknow,” I stressed, arching a brow. He shut his mouth, and I continued. “I’m just saying, Rico, I’m not going anywhere. I like you. I’ve probably liked you since you first added me on MyRoom. Yeah, you’re Luney, but you’re my Rico. You care about me, and check on me, and make me feel like… like me. If you need me to stay out of the hood, I will. As long as you promise to stay safe.”

“Ain’t no such thing as staying safe, Snow.”

“Then stay dangerous,” I shrugged. “Dangerous enough to be undefeated. I was on pins and needles the whole night, becoming a damn music executive to not worry myself sick about you.”

He grinned, standing and pulling me up into his arms. “My bad. Everything’s good now. After shit’s calmed down, I’ll take you home.”

“Good.” Feeling brave, I kissed his lips before getting into the bed.

“‘Stay dangerous.’ Let me find out Lady Luney ‘bout it,” he chuckled, rounding the bed to get in on his side.

“I’m not about anything but being fly. Music, too. And now, you.”

“And now, me.” He moved over to my side and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him.

There was something so grown up about it. Contrary to popular belief, I was one of the most inexperienced girls I went to school with. Rico was the only boy I’ve ever kissed, and one of the only boys I’d ever liked. I’d had kiddie boyfriends, and we held hands. Kisses on the cheek, but that was it.

But there, in his bed, dozing off to the beating of his heart on the back of my neck, I felt like a woman. I felt like I was a woman, and he was my man, and this was our apartment, and something very right shifted into place.