Page 41 of Stay Dangerous

I place my phone in front of me and dial for the thousandth time. It’s going straight to voicemail now, and the mailbox is full.

I’d never known Pooh to ever not be by his phone. It’d been hours, and he still wasn’t answering. A small part of me was scared something happened to him, too.

Maybe he felt the second Ma decided to make good on her promises. Maybe he felt the second she did leave this Earth, and decided to go with her.

Could Pooh live in a world without Yani?

Shit, could we?

I hung up and kept calling. Fire built in my chest each time the automated voice told me the mailbox was full.

On the sixth try, Fredo lifted his head. His eyes were bloodshot, with teartracks dried on the side of his face.

“Quit calling that nigga,” he said, voice thick with more tears. Fredo hadn’t cried since we found out about Ty-Ty’s mom.

“Fuck that,” I gritted. “He should be here, Rick. He should…”

My lungs seized as Fredo held my gaze.

My hands clawed at my chest like that would make me breathe again. Fredo stood slowly, his eyes never leaving me. Not until I couldn’t see him anymore. Not until he walked out of the room.

Only then could I breathe again. I threw the phone into the wall, the cheap plastic bursting into little pieces.

“Fuck.” I couldn’t get air into my lungs fast enough. Antiseptic and death tasted weird on my tongue, before it was replaced by salty tears.

She didn’t even look peaceful. I thought she’d look peaceful, getting what she wanted, but she didn’t.

I wondered if she’d take it back, knowing she still wouldn’t get the rest she craved.

I palmed either side of my head, letting my fingers dig into my braids.

“Why couldn’t you just tell me what was wrong?!” I gritted. Tears stung my eyes but they wouldn’t fall. Not now.

I lifted my gaze back to Ma. “What happened that you gave up? What the fuck happened?!”

No one would talk about it. It was just accepted that Ma was sad, that sometimes she was sadder, and other times she was only a little sad. Even when she was angry, or disappointed, or laughing, the sadness was there. It was accepted.

No one ever said why. Fredo never asked. Ty-Ty assumed it was because of Pooh.

That would have been easy. Before that night, I would have thought it too easy. But sometimes the truth is as easy as that. As straightforward as that.

I let anger and grief build up in my chest.

“You not gon’ be the only one hurting, on my soul.” I grabbed her cold hand again, bending down to kiss it.

“I promise, Ma. He gon’ feel the pain you felt. If it’s the last thing I do. He gon’ feel it.”

I kissed her hand one more time, before standing and kissing her forehead.

“Te amo siempre, Mamí.”

My dash told me it was three in the morning, but I didn’t give a fuck. I needed Snow.

So I got out my whip and cut through where I’d seen her walk toward after we got done hanging out.

They didn’t have much of a backyard or even a fence. There were a couple of windows, but there was a toilet in the first one, so I walked to the second and knocked my knuckles onto the glass.

It didn’t take long for my Snow to appear. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and took me in.