Page 109 of Stay Dangerous

“You niggas late, so you putting together the dressing room. It’s down the hallway by where the stage gon’ be at. That shit better be put together or I’m lighting Paradise up tonight soon as Haze get on that fucking pole.”

We waved him off as we grabbed the supplies we needed. It was on the up and up, for sure. It sucked I wouldn’t be around when it opened, but I pushed the thought away and focused on the tasks at hand.

The nigga worked us like dogs all morning, but when Set joined us, we got the dressing room and adjoining bathroom together and he let us go early. We got back to Nan’s, where I passed out, waking up way in the evening to the smell of tamales.

I damn near floated to the kitchen, letting my nose guide me. Nan was already fixing my plate, and smiled over her shoulder when I took it from her, offering up a kiss.

“Go wash your hands and wake Freddy up so we can eat together,” she said. I obliged her, kicking Fredo’s door on the way to the bathroom. He emerged a second later, and I flicked water in his face before drying my hands and going back to the table.

In addition to the business classes Fredo was taking, he also had a day job working at the mall at Millard’s, getting crazy commissions in the shoes department. He had enough PTO to take the week off, and did it without me asking.

Only when he sat down did Nan and I begin to eat. The tamales were bussin’, as usual, and I had to kiss her cheek again to show my appreciation.

“You gonna go see Pooh Bear before you leave?” she asked.

Fredo opened his mouth to speak for me, naturally, but Nan cupped his hand, silencing him. She peered at me, waiting patiently as ever for me to answer.

She never scolded me for how I acted at Ma’s funeral, and respected my wishes in never letting him come to the crib. In fact, that was the first time she’d mentioned him to me in years.

“Nah, I don’t think so,” I said, clearing my throat.

She stared for a moment, before nodding, and going back to her food.

We ate in a comfortable silence until Fredo cleared the plates.

We stood, and she cupped my cheek. I closed my eyes and inhaled, smelling Nan’s signature lavender scent over the tamales.

“Espero que encuentres lo que buscas. Espero que todo te salga bien.”(I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope everything goes well for you.)

“Me, too, Nan.”

She smiled up at me and patted my cheek before shuffling back toward her room.

“You can shower first–”

“Do you think I should go?” I asked, turning toward my brother. “Don’t tell me what you think I should hear, or what will keep me from panicking. Or the right thing. Tell me how you really feel, Fred. You really okay with me leaving?”

Fredo walked past me and sat back down at the small table. It came with us from the other apartment, the smaller one, where Ma finally succeeded in leaving us.

I sat back down, too, anxiously waiting for what he had to say.

“You gon’ take over The Hive?”

My face balled up, caught completely off guard. “Hell naw.”

Fredo smirked. “Aight. You gon’ talk to Wyn?”

I squeezed the bridge of my nose. This nigga was evading my question. “No, Fred.”

“So there’s nothing here for you, Rick. Why wouldn’t I be okay with you bettering yourself? ‘Cause we not doing it together?”

“You saying it’s nothing here for me but you gon’ be here. You’re me and I’m you. We talked about doing this together and–”

“And then we followed Turkey into Hell to get Haze back and now one of us gotta make sure they don’t kill themselves or each other. One of us gotta make sure Nan gets to her doctor’s appointments. But the difference between me and you is I can make some shit shake here. I don’t think you can.”

I leaned back. “Why though? It feels like I’m leaving you behind, and I’on like it.”

“Nah,” he shook his head, holding my gaze. “You could never leave me behind. Just ‘cause we won’t be together don’t mean you leaving me behind, Rick. I’m scared as fuck, bro. The only time we been apart is when we was in the camps, and even that was so long ago. But you drowning. You been fucked up since Ma, and then the shit with Wyn, then Haze… I think a change of scenery and some discipline and shit could be good for you. See how the world is outside of this fuck ass city. You only gotta do, what, eight years? We brothers for life. Womb to the tomb. Eight years ain’t shit.”