Page 79 of To Have & To Hold

A chill ran down Emilia’s spine, but it faded quickly against the hot flash of anger at her brother’s accusation. “No, he does not…”

“He does!” Alexander stepped closer, his voice lowering to a dangerous level. “He was there that morning. He pulled you from the river. Do you truly believe it was by chance that you are married to him now? That he risked his reputation to marry a complete stranger simply because he is a gentleman?”

“Yes!” Emilia answered without hesitation. The thought had crossed her mind more than once in the beginning. But sheknew him now. She saw his heart, and she trusted him with her own.

Alexander rolled his eyes in frustration. “You are the least trusting person I know, and yet you choose to trust him?”

“Yes,” she said again, firmly. “I love you, Alexander, but it was foolish for you to come here. What if someone recognized you? If uncle knows you are alive, he could have you hanged.”

“My only thought was of you.”

“If you were truly thinking of me, you would not have come back!”

Alexander flinched, as though she had struck him.

Emilia softened. “You would not have come back like this,” she corrected. “You would have written me a letter and warned me. But you took matters into your own hands, again. You made another choice that affects us both, and you have risked everything.”

“Everything I have ever done was to protect you!”

Emilia stared at him in disbelief. The most painful part was that he truly believed it, and for so long she had too. This was her big brother; the one who had joined the navy as a child to earn enough money to provide her with the care he believed she deserved, and not just what their uncle felt was sufficient. The one who had supplied her with tutors, gowns for her first Season, and a dowry. The only person willing to risk his life, and his reputation to protect her. But it came at a price—a painful secret to carry.

“You ran, Alexander. There was nowhere for me to go but back to the very nightmare I was trying to escape from. Except it was worse, because I no longer had you.” Emilia’s heart ached with guilt at her words, but she could not stop the truth from breaking free. “I have had to live with what we have done for nearly three years, and I have carried it alone.”

Alexander tried to reach for her hands. “Emilia, you did nothing…“

“I have lied to everyone!” She pulled back, wiping a tear from her face. “I have hurt the man that I love, and I did it to protect you.”

Emilia had not known what true love was until she met Nathaniel. He had offered her everything she never dreamed she would have, and did not ask for anything in return.

She wanted to give him everything—she wanted to tell him the truth, unload every burden she carried—she wanted to give him her heart. She only hoped he would still be willing to accept it.

“I will not lose him, Alexander.” Emilia’s voice broke. “I can not.”

Alexander’s shoulders fell in reluctant acceptance. “You truly trust him?”

“Completely.”

Alexander shook his head in disbelief.

Emilia cleared her throat, attempting to regain her composure. “I will have the staff prepare you a room and a bath.”

Alexander watched her closely as she stepped into the drawing room and made her way to the bell pull to summon a maid. Sophie entered the room, her eyes wide at the sight of Alexander standing in the corner.

“Sophie,” Emilia called, capturing her maid’s attention. “I need you to prepare a room and a bath for our guest.” She took a step towards the girl, her voice lowering. “It is imperative that no one outside of our household knows he is here. I trust you to be discreet.”

“Of course, Your Grace.” Sophie nodded eagerly. “I shan't breathe a word.”

Emilia gave her a small smile, “Thank you. I would appreciate it if you could also arrange for a breakfast tray to be taken to his room in the morning.” She looked at her brother out of the corner of her eye. “He is to remain in his chambers until he is summoned.”

Alexander huffed, and Sophie’s attention was pulled back to him for a moment before she turned back to Emilia with a quick curtsy.

“As you wish, Your Grace.” The maid hurried from the room.

Emilia crossed the room, pausing in front of Alexander. “You will stay here until Sophie or Briggs returns to escort you to your room.”

Emilia could feel Alexander’s assessing glance on her as she spoke. When he met her eyes, Emilia could see a flicker of sadness in his eyes.

“You really are a duchess now,” he whispered, more to himself than to her.