Page 56 of To Have & To Hold

Home.

The knowledge that she now considered Kenswick House her home had filled Nathaniel with a warmth that burned evenduring the drive in the frigid carriage. But it also awakened a deeper desire to show her the place he truly called home, away from the ever-watchful eyes of London society.

Nathaniel ran both hands through his hair. If Emilia did emerge from her room to find him standing in the hall, she would think him entirely mad—and he was beginning to think that maybe he was. He knew he would not be able to settle his mind to sleep until he saw her one last time.

Before he could think better of it, he lifted his hand and knocked on Emilia’s door. The door opened, and light flooded from her room and into the hallway.

Emilia’s hair had been removed from its pins, and the long, shining curls cascaded down her back. She held a blanket securely around her shoulders, covering the long white nightdress that gently brushed the floor over her stockings. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw him, still fully dressed in his evening wear.

“Nathaniel, what are you doing here?”

“I simply wanted to ensure you were well before I retired,” Nathaniel said, hoping he was portraying enough calm and confidence to make the lie convincing—he had simply wanted to see her. If that realization unsettled him, he could not imagine what it might do to her.

“Were you expecting someone else?” He asked with a grin, attempting to lighten the air that had suddenly grown too thick to breathe comfortably.

“Yes, actually,” she smiled shyly. “I rang for Sophie a few moments ago. I was hoping to ask for some tea.”

“Are you having trouble sleeping?”

Emilia nodded, “I am quite tired, I just can not seem to settle my mind long enough to fall asleep.”

Nathaniel could not bring himself to move from the spot where he stood. He should bid her a goodnight and allow her to retire and wait for her tea, but he could not bear the thought of parting from her.

“Would you like to come in?” Emilia’s voice was barely more than a whisper. Nathaniel would have been quite certain he imagined it had not been for the expectant way she was looking at him now.

“For tea,” Emilia added quickly, a slight blush to her cheeks. “I can ask Sophie to bring a tray for two.”

Nathaniel nodded and stepped through the threshold into her chambers. He had been in these rooms a few times before, but not since Emilia had made them her own. The room was lit with a soft, golden hue from the fire blazing in the hearth, and the familiar scent of roses that always seemed to follow Emilia filled his senses.

The room was not overly extravagant by any means, fitting for the home of a duke, but it seemed simple compared to the lady who occupied it. A large four-poster bed made of dark wood stood against one wall; the curtains that surrounded it were pulled back, and the soft, clean bedding had been turneddown. Her neat and tidy writing desk sat in the corner, and a pair of oversized chairs were placed near the fire with a small table between them.

“Are the chairs not to your liking?” Nathaniel asked, gesturing to a small pile of pillows and blankets on the floor in front of the fireplace.

“Oh!” Emilia rushed to gather them up. “I am sorry, I was not expecting company.”

Nathaniel knelt on the ground beside Emilia and reached out to still her hands. “There is no need to apologize,” he said.

Emilia’s eyes slowly lifted to his, so full of uncertainty. Nathaniel’s chest tightened, struck by how instinctively she attempted to make herself smaller in moments like this—as though her preferences should always come second to those around her.

“Do you prefer it?” he asked sincerely.

“Prefer what?”

“Sitting here.”

Emilia’s cheeks flushed as she tried to reach for the blankets again. “It is a silly old habit.”

“That is not what I asked,” Nathaniel replied, holding firm.

Emilia sighed in defeat. “Yes, I suppose I do,” she admitted.

Nathaniel’s smile was steady, despite the wild fluttering inside his chest. With that small revelation, he felt a small crack form in the carefully constructed wall that had been standing between them.

Before he could respond, the door to her room creaked open as her lady’s maid entered. She stepped back with a start when she noticed the two of them kneeling on the floor.

“Your Grace!” Sophie explained, her eyes flickering back and forth between Nathaniel and Emilia. “…and Your Grace.”

Emilia’s face flushed crimson, but she lifted her chin high as she stood and addressed the maid with a calm authority.