Page 54 of To Have & To Hold

Where did one draw the line between defending another’s character and attacking the one who questioned it?

She squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her other hand against the cool wall to steady herself. Nothing about how she had conducted herself had been proper…or discreet. Nathaniel was sure to hear whispers of her outburst. They had barely been present in society for an hour, and she had already proved herself to be a complete embarrassment.

The tears began to fall, and Emilia lacked the strength to stop them. The first sob wracked her body and she leaned into it, letting her head drop against the wall. Her knees began to tremble and as the second sob came she let them fold.

Before she hit the ground, she felt herself being lifted, a strong hand cradling her head and guiding it to rest on a solid chest. The smell of spiced rum and citrus filled her senses, and her body relaxed against Nathaniel’s despite her desire to run from him.

Nathaniel wrapped his arms around her, one hand pressing firmly into her back, holding her steady when all she wanted to do was crumble. His other hand was splayed gently against the back of her head, his thumb brushing a calming pattern against the curve of her neck.

Emilia’s breaths came more easily, but still at a rapid pace, her heart beating wildly. She thought she felt Nathaniel’s heart just as strongly, but his touch was so disorienting she could not be sure. She knew she should step back, but she could not bring herself to leave the comfort of his arms—or to look him in the eyes.

Nathaniel leaned back, and his hands slowly moved to cup the sides of her face. He tilted her chin up to meet his gaze, and Emilia was surprised to see his own eyes glistening with tears.

“What happened?” He asked, his voice brushing against the open wounds on Emilia’s heart like a balm.

“It was nothing,” she whispered, her throat raw from the tears.

“It was not nothing,” Nathaniel’s hold on her face tightened before he relaxed. His eyes searched her face as his absentmindedly traced the edge of her jaw. “Someone said something to you.”

Emilia took a steadying breath before stepping back out of his hold. Her skin still buzzed under the memory of his touch, but she could think much more clearly.

“I am fine,” she insisted, forcing a smile on her face as she wiped away the last of her tears.

“You are not fine,” he took a step towards her again. “Who was it?”

“I do not know.”

Nathaniel’s eyes darkened, something Emilia was beginning to grow accustomed to, though this time it was as though the shadows rose from the smoke of a blazing fire burning somewhere within him.

“Someone not only insulted you, but they also addressed you without introducing themselves?”

Emilia gave a slight shrug. “They did not introduce themselves because they were not speaking to me. I simply overheard something I should not have.”

“What did they say?”

Emilia turned her head, no longer able to hold his gaze. “It does not matter what they said.”

“It does if it distressed you to the point of tears!” Nathaniel turned to look back towards the open ballroom doors. “Point them out to me.”

Emilia gave a soft laugh, “Nathaniel, they were ladies.”

“You use the term loosely,” he muttered under his breath, still scanning the small portion of the guests that he could see.

“You are going to brawl a group of women?”

Nathaniel turned to face her again, his brow furrowed. “How many were there?”

Emilia’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “I truly can not tell when you are serious.”

Nathaniel moved even closer, taking her hands in his. His grip was soft, but his hold was firm, his thumb drawing light circles along the inside of her wrists.

“I am serious when I say I never want you to hide your tears from me. Regardless of how trivial you believe the reason to be, I do not want you to ever think I do not care about the things that bring you pain. Even if I am the one who caused it.”

Emilia’s heart caught in her throat, and she felt fresh tears pressing against her eyes. “There is something else I need to tellyou,” she said quickly before she could think better of it. “I did not simply overhear them; I confronted them…and I was very unkind.”

“Oh.” Nathaniel’s mouth dropped in surprise, but Emilia thought she saw the corners quirk up before she dropped her gaze to the floor in shame.

“I am so sorry, I know you are ashamed of me.”