Page 29 of To Have & To Hold

“Did you need something, Your Grace?”

“No,” he answered, far too quickly. He could see the confusion unfolding across her face. Of course he needed something, what other reason did he have for being caught outside her door—mid-knock—before breakfast?

What was it about this woman that made him completely lose the ability to think before speaking?

“I simply wanted to speak with you,” he corrected.

“Oh,” Emilia relaxed slightly, her hands clasped delicately in front of her waist. “What about?”

Nathaniel once again found himself at a loss for words. She stared at him expectantly, and for a moment, he considered abandoning course entirely and offering her a tour of the townhouse after breakfast. Unfortunately, avoidinguncomfortable conversations did not make them go away; it only gave them space to grow even more uncomfortable.

“I wanted to speak to you about last night,” he paused to allow his words to sink in, but he was only met with more confusion.

“Did something happen last night?” Emilia asked.

“No,” Nathaniel responded. He should have said more; he should have clarified before she jumped to her own conclusions, but his words still failed him. A slight flush crept up his neck as he watched Emilia’s cheeks tint pink, the implication of his words sinking in.

“Oh,” she whispered. “I am so sorry.”

She took a small step back from him, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I did not realize….” she stammered. “I mean, I was unsure of your expectation, but I had assumed…I should come to…”

“Emilia, no.” Nathaniel cut off her ramblings, closing the gap she had put between them. “You misunderstand me. I am here to apologize to you.” He lowered his head, trying to get her to meet his gaze again.

“Apologize for what?” She asked.

“For not properly communicating my expectations—or rather, my lack thereof.”

Emilia finally looked at him.

“When it comes to our relationship, I have noexpectations.”

Her posture relaxed and she lifted her head a little more as Nathaniel continued. “I know this all happened very swiftly, and you had little choice in any of it. I do not want to put you in one more situation where you feel as though you have no say.”

Nathaniel gestured past her shoulder, pointing to the door that connected their two rooms. “That door will remain closed, unless you decide to open it.”

Emilia’s mouth turned up in a shy smile. “While I appreciate the sentiment,” she said. “I am also fully aware of the responsibility you must carry to produce an heir.”

“It is expected, yes,” Nathaniel agreed. “But that is not my concern at the moment—you are.”

Her eyes widened again at his admission. Nathaniel’s thoughts drifted to the way she had trembled that night in the garden, and beneath her uncle’s harsh glare. He remembered how quickly she calmed under his touch, and he could not deny the part of his heart that longed to always be that for her.

“My only thought is ensuring that you are comfortable here with me,” he continued. “Delaying any possibility of an heir until the future may also prove to be beneficial when it comes to turning the talk of the Ton away from our swift union.”

“Oh, yes.” Emilia’s eyes dipped to the floor once more. “I had not considered that.” She was still blushing, but her posture and tone were relaxed.

Nathaniel could have ended the conversation there, but something about this woman tugged at his heart in ways he thought he had become immune to.

“I do not want you to believe that I am in any way indifferent towards you now that duty has been fulfilled. This title can be lonely at times. It is one that you did not ask for, and I do not take the position you are in lightly.” He smiled gently, “Please know that you can always come to me, Emilia. For anything. You are never at risk of being turned away.”

She looked at him again, her eyes wide with surprise.

“Thank you,” she smiled in return. “I suppose we got off on the wrong foot when we met—both times.”

Nathaniel nodded, “We certainly did.”

Emilia’s lips pressed together, and Nathaniel’s heart flipped when he saw an unexpected sparkle in her eye.

“I propose a do-over,” she said, taking a step back from him.