Page 47 of American Sweethearts

juan pablo

We’d managed to get through the next day without any more covert masturbation episodes or our friends fucking so loudly the bears could hear them. We also managed to have extremely hot and noiseless sex, so I was counting this vacay as a win. It had been a good break, but now it was time to head back to reality.

Jude and Nesto had taken off at the crack of dawn so Nes could get back to the restaurant, accompanied by Tom and Milo, who were off to the DR. Patrice and Easton were going to hole up at the cabin on their own until after New Year’s, so it meant that Priscilla and I were the only two headed back to the city.

Since there was a storm warning for the afternoon, we got going after breakfast. After more hugs, we had our bags packed and were standing on the snow-dusted porch saying goodbye to Patrice and Easton who looked ready for us to go so they could get back to bed.

“Brother.” I got pounded hard on the back by P. “Text us when you get off the mountain and if it starts snowing, get a hotel room. Don’t fuck with snowy roads, Juan Pablo.” I rolled my eyes as I pulled out of Patrice’s tight embrace then looked at Pris, who was mean mugging me for not taking P’s advice seriously.

“Will do. If snow gets heavy, we’ll get a room.” P still fretted about anyone getting on the road and he was especially fearful of the snow, but my reassurance seemed to relax him.

Pris gave Easton a big kiss and he squeezed her tight. “Okay, friend. I’m going to be down there in a couple of weeks. Dinner?” It sounded more like a warning than a question, and the way Priscilla snapped her head made me think they were going to have a heart-to-heart she might not be fully up for.

“Yes. We’ll talk.” The pointed look Easton was giving her was making me very curious, but when I looked at Patrice, he just shrugged, like he had no idea. It was hopeless; he wasn’t ever going to tell me anything Easton didn’t need me to know.

I opened the passenger door to Priscilla’s Crosstrek. I didn’t even pretend like she was going to let me drive.

As I slid into the seat, she stared at me slack jawed. “You’re not going to fight me about driving?”

I shook my head as I took my time doing my seatbelt. “Nope. Your car, you drive. But, I’m glad to take over if you get tired.” I adjusted my knit cap and looked straight ahead, ignoring what I knew were stares of disbelief.

My heart thumped a little faster in my chest wondering what was going through her head. My inability to let anyone drive on the interstate if I was in a car was notorious, but giving up control was one of the things I’d been working on with my therapist.

“Wow.” She sounded genuinely surprised, if only just a tiny bit suspicious. “P, it’s like we’re witnessing a personality transformation right before our very eyes.”

Patrice, that traitorous motherfucker, just laughed, but when he spoke, the affection there made it hard for me to get mad. “Nah he’s still a pain in the ass.”

“Priscilla, stop clowning, we’re going to get stuck in the snow.”

“There he is,” she said, voice brimming with amusement. “I knew this had to be a momentary lapse.”

I rolled my eyes without responding as she got into the car. She had her usual vacay attire for winter. Leggings, UGGs, and a hoodie. She also had her short North Face on. She looked good enough to eat, and I meant that literally. It was really a miracle and a testament to her stubbornness and my therapist’s skill that I hadn’t blown our cover in the past two days.

Once we were out of the mountains, the drive was easy. Pris had always been a careful driver, even if she had a bit of lead foot. We’d talked about our friends, how happy they all were, and even though she and I were still on shaky ground, I felt good. Hopeful. When we were getting closer to my place, I finally got the courage up to say what needed to be said.

“Pris, what are we doing?”

She didn’t take her eyes of the road, but her back stiffened at my question. Like she knew it was coming and she’s been bracing for it. We passed a long stretch of bare birch trees while she thought, and I had to bite my tongue not to fill in the silence, or worse, take it back.

Just when I thought she was going to ignore me, she finally turned her face toward me for just a second, and to my relief, she was smiling.

She shook her head, her lips still turned up. “A week ago, I wasn’t sure I could’ve told you. I would’ve been too in my head with all the stuff going on at work to try and figure it out. But you know something?” I waited for her to answer, knowing it was a rhetorical question. “I figured something out in the last couple of days…”

Her brows furrowed like she was thinking hard on how to say it, and my pulse raced. I could feel the blood rushing to my head. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but it felt like our entirefutures were riding on this moment. Like it was our final chance to make things work.

“It’s fucking hard for me to be soft.” She scoffed at that, as if she was stating the obvious. “I always feel like if I’m not showing every person in my life I have everything handled, that I’ll let them down. That I won’t be me anymore.” My instinct was to tell her that wasn’t true. That no one expected her to be perfect, but I held my tongue, because I knew in a lot of ways, it was true.

No one needed to tell Pris those things when she could see them for herself. When growing up the only women that looked like her on TV were tired stereotypes. She’d been in the force for almost fifteen years and I knew how rare it was to see women like her in leadership positions.

No matter what I said to her now, we both knew she was right. So instead of dismissing the truth of her words, I put my hand on her knee and tightened it. Wanting her to know that I heard what she was saying, the burden of carrying that. She sighed, fidgeting in the driver seat still sparring with her thoughts. “With us, it became even more complicated once I joined and you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” I croaked.

She shook her head hard, gripping the steering wheel. “Don’t, J. Please. You don’t have to do that. I know why you didn’t do it, and even if you didn’t have perfectly good reasons, you had every right to go the way that was best for you.” She waved a hand in the air, as if to redirect herself back to what she’d been saying. “The reason why it was hard was because I kept telling myself I had to prove to the world I’d made the right decision. The more my own doubts crept in, the more I tried. Eventually, I was holding myself so tightly, I couldn’t let anyone in.”

I swallowed hard, and looked at her. “Pris, this isn’t all on you. I was doing my own version of that, too, and I didn’t makethings easier for either of us by being an ass about your job, and flying off the handle all the time.” I bit my lip, and just fucking said it before I lost my nerve. “We’re good together, Priscilla. Fuck, I think we’re perfect. If the mind-melting sex we’ve been having wasn’t enough.”

She chuckled at that. “We are pretty good at the sex part.”