Page 43 of Property of Heart
I swallow hard and feel so many emotions it overwhelms me.Without words Heart guides me back into the clubhouse, straight through the hall and into our room.
“I need a shower,” I murmur and walk into the bathroom.
Heart might need one too with all the blood on him, but right now I feel numb and need the blood washed from my own hands.Even if it might stick to my hands indefinitely.A sob rips from me as I stare down at the dried blood on my skin.
Rob was killed, even if he pretended to be my friend while he was only sent to find the coins.I still felt like he was my friend.So many unnecessary deaths...all for what?Greed?None of it makes sense and yet it does, but somehow it makes me even more sad.
Where I felt no pain before all of this it feels as if all of it is hitting me full force right now.It’s overwhelming and that doesn’t make any sense either.
“Hey,” Heart’s soothing voice pulls my gaze away from my bloody hands.
“You’re going to be fine,” he simply says, as if he knows I feel anything but fine right now.
He reaches for the shower and turns on the water.Gently he peels away my clothes and takes care of me as if I’m his most precious possession.Priceless...like three fucking coins that ruined lives.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Three weeks later
– HEART –
For the first time in three weeks, I notice a change in my old lady.I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s as if she’s made some kind of decision.She seems relieved or at least less tense.Dealing with the aftermath of what was thrown at her has definitely left its mark.
Watching her crawl into herself after Laith’s death was awful.I tried to be there for her, giving her the space she needed to process.Though, her silent tears at Laith’s funeral were the worst.I know she feels as if it’s all her fault.Something all of us have made clear isn’t.
Knowing and feeling, allowing yourself to process are fucking contradictions one has to overcome all by themselves.Fucking sucks.She’s so damn strong, even if she thinks she’s falling apart.In my opinion Lina is bursting at the seams by feeling every-fucking-thing after living her whole damn life without pain.
Life gave her a crappy deal when she was thrown into this world.Not raised by her own family, bouncing around foster families until she finally walked away.Finding Karev, who was the only family member to care enough to keep in touch and look out for her.Even if he told her not to have any kind of relationship.
Hell, maybe she’s having a hard time being with me, which entails a found family.She got along with everyone and then had to witness one of us getting killed.After she threw a knife.She was the one who drew first blood.Yeah, there’s a lot of shit she feels responsible for.
She carries heavy burdens and yet doesn’t want to let me help because she doesn’t say shit.Keeping stuff to herself complicates everything.This leaves me guessing what on the long list of life’s shit is hitting her the hardest.Then again, living all your damn life knowing you can’t depend on anyone but yourself does change how it all works.At least for her.
The process of living is different for everyone.So is grief.Losing one of our own hit hard for everyone.Members of different chapters came to the funeral.Laith didn’t have any relatives; the club was his family.
Laith’s death was also a wakeup call for me.A reminder of how fragile life actually is.Everyone dies, and you never know when your time is up...unless you decide when and where, of course...but that’s unnatural...so is getting killed.
