Page 37 of Xane

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

–ZORA –

The panic I felt when Grayer told me he was going to take down Neron hasn’t faded.I watched him get ready, strapping on a Kevlar vest and strapping on weapons.The kiss he gave me right before he left made my toes curl.

Hell, the man himself makes my toes curl by simply being around me.He’s always been my friend first, then we were more until we were apart for a decade, and now he’s so much more.He’s my everything, my whole damn world.

It’s why I told him I want to go back to work.I’m ready for...things...to go back to normal.Things meaning closeness between us.Closer in the form of doing more stuff like we did last night.I have no clue if I’m able to actually have sex or how my body will react once we’re naked.

None of those things are on my mind now because Grayer just left.So, the panic and my shattered nerves aren’t about my body’s reaction, it’s about his body staying intact.What if something happens?What if he gets hurt?Oh, shit.What if he dies?

“You look like you’re going to implode any second,” Neo remarks.

We’re sitting in the main room of the clubhouse, along with Fawkes and Stellan.

“Explode,” Stellan mumbles.

Neo shakes his head.“Nah.She’s keeping it all in, so it’s going to be from the inside out.”

“For fuck’s sake.”Fawkes rubs a hand over his face.“She’s just stressed about her old man being out on a mission, just like he is for leaving her behind.”

Hearing Fawkes say it out loud makes it more real.“So many things can go wrong.”

“Many things can go wrong when you’re walking to the bathroom to take a shit.You can’t live like any second might be your last,” Neo dryly states.“Of course there are more risks, like when you have diarrhea, or that norovirus or something...puking and shitting at the same time without a chance to hold back...then you have to simply run like your ass is on fire.Point is, Prez has done this many times before.He knows his body and the distance to the bathroom...so to say.”

“Feel free to stop talking any damn second.”Fawkes glares Neo’s way.

Neo throws up his hands.“Just trying to calm her shits.”

“By talking about shit?”Fawkes throws back.

A soft chuckle slips from me, watching these guys and hearing the weird discussion.They make me feel safe, even if they’re here for my protection...they make me feel like I’m a part of their family.Not because Grayer ordered them to stay and stand guard.

I feel a soft touch on my knee.A few days ago, I would have jumped away from the touch.Thanks to Grayer, along with his club brothers, I’ve found my safe haven and regained my strength to put walls firmly in place.Compartmentalize emotions, feelings, memories, and making sure those horrible things I endured stay in my past.

The nightmares haven’t stopped, and I’m still jumpy at times, but at least I know my future lies with Grayer.Which means it’s also with this weird bunch...who are still bickering about metaphors.

“Any of you want something to drink?”I ask.

They each throw a “no, thank you,” in my direction and I get to my feet to walk to the bar.I roll my shoulders and twist my upper body.Wearing a Kevlar vest sure is uncomfortable.I have no clue how they work in these things.

On the other hand, I guess they’re used to it since this is my first time wearing one.Grayer was adamant about me putting one on before he left and made me promise to keep it on until he returned.

I reach for a bottle of water inside the fridge when I hear Stellan bellow, “Company,” followed by a loud bang.

The whole damn clubhouse shakes and I place a hand on the bar while I gasp.What the hell was that?

“Get down,” Stellan bellows and I instantly squat down to take cover behind the bar.