Page 18 of Xane

“It’s not your fault,” I croak and bring my knees up to hug them close to my body.

“It’s not yours either and yet here we sit, both our brains in havoc.I want to fucking kill that asshole and I can’t because Spence ordered me to wait.He’s still my president and I have to follow orders.Another reason why I asked for Spence’s mother to get here.She’s a rulebreaker.A badass old lady whose nickname is hotlips for a reason.Lynn doesn’t take shit and speaks her mind, whether you’d want to hear it or not.Spence’s old lady went through a lot, and she was there for her too.I know you refused hospital care, and don’t want to talk to anyone...Lynn isn’t just anyone.Hell, you don’t need to say shit.You’ll see.”He swallows hard.“I’m here for you too, Z.Whatever you need, I got you, you know that, right?”

I know it’s petty, but I can’t help it when I tell him in an accusing tone, “You left.”

Grayer winces and nods.“I had to.You would have given up your career for me, for us.I couldn’t take away your dream.Call me fucking selfish, but this world needed you to become a doctor, sawbones.It was all you talked about until...fuck.”

The old familiar feeling of regret hits me, and I finish his sentence.“Until I thought we were pregnant...but instead I was only a few days late.A wakeup call, a reason for you to leave town...leave me.”

For a mere moment my dream had shifted and expanded with a glimpse of a new future.For a few days I fantasized about being pregnant.Our baby, a family of our own, while I was still going to become a doctor.

We were young, in love, and my dream had indeed shifted.I wanted it all, and knew with hard work and devotion, along with time, we could make it all work together.Within those few days where he told me he wanted the same thing...until I got my period and the dream was merely wishful thinking.

Regret is written all over his face.I knew deep down this was the reason he left.Correction, he didn’t leave; he ran.

“I guess you were right to leave.It saved us both from a life of regrets.”I turn my gaze toward the window, even if the blinds are closed.

“Fucking hell, Z.There wouldn’t have been any regrets.I was young and made a fucking mistake after my father and yours gave me a piece of their mind.It made me realize I wanted more for you.I was going in the direction of my grandfather’s criminal side instead of my father’s legal way.I knew how damn smart you were, and how I would be the one who’d drag you down.The second I signed up and left town was when the regret hit me hard.I never stopped thinking about you, or what we could have had.Hell, I never even let a woman get close or so much as fucking touched one.They weren’t you, Zora.All I’ve been doing for years is throwing myself into work.I don’t give a shit about anything else because the future I wanted wasn’t one I could have if it didn’t involve you.”

I want to slam my hands over my ears to stop his ramblings.Things I don’t want to hear enter my mind and cut deep.They shouldn’t.He owes me nothing and vice versa.Yet, we never did get to talk about why he left because he did without a single explanation.

My mind is too messed up and it’s why I tell him with a shallow voice, “It’s doesn’t matter anymore.It’s all in the past.”

“Like fuck it is,” Grayer snaps.“We’re here now, Z.Seeing you for the first time in over a decade made all those feelings come rushing back.Then this shit happened, all while I could have protected you.Could have fucking prevented it from happening.I’m not going to...”

Loud knocking on the door cuts off his words, along with a female voice bellowing, “Open this door, Grayer.I can hear you fucking shit up from out here, so you better shut the hell up and let me in.”

Grayer mutters a curse and gets to his feet to open the door.An older woman with long gray hair steps inside.She has tattoos, and even one on her neck of a patch with a hawk and the name Deeds.

She gives me a kind smile before she turns to Grayer.“Okay, my old ass is here which means you need to leave.”He opens his mouth, but she jabs a finger in the air, right in front of his face.“Zip it.You called me to help your Zora, now I’m here for her.Which means my loyalty belongs to your old lady, not with you.Go.And I don’t mean downstairs to torture that fucker because my son is waiting for you in church.If anyone is going to torture or kill that motherfucker, it’ll be me or Zora.Oh, and you’ll be the one doing the paperwork because I overheard Spence.He brought the contract the government offered you.Patch over and shit.Another New Jersey Broken Deeds MC chapter.Like I said, go.And be sure to act surprised when Spence tells you that shit about the contract.I’m pretty sure he thought I was asleep when he discussed crucial information...but the devil never sleeps, and neither do I.”

All I can do is stare at the woman and feel a hint of a smile tug at my lips.All because she seems like the badass rulebreaker Grayer said she was, not due to the fact that he got her to come her for me...his Zora.It’s been over a decade since I was his, and right now it feels as if I don’t even belong to myself anymore.

CHAPTER NINE

–XANE –