Page 40 of The Duchess Debt

Helena bit her lip. Gabehadbeen spending time with Alice, but not because he truly wanted to. He’d only been keeping to his word and upholding the stipulations she’d made him agree to. He’d been teaching Alice to ride, going for walks with them every afternoon, and joining them for an exorbitant amount of picnics—one of which Helena arranged to be held in the conservatory on a rainy day, where they’d enjoyed themselves among the tropical palms and flowers. There were dinners every night, too, much to Nanny Potts’s dismay that a child would be allowed to eat in the formal dining room with the adults. Yet Helena kept pushing them together, with one casual dinner in the music room where Helena played the pianoforte while they all sang songs and another in the library where Gabe read to them from some of his favorite books—fortunately, not ones about politics. One evening, when Gabe was unable to join them due to a meeting in the village, Helena had insisted they eat dinner in the servants’ hall so that everyone on staff could get to know her and Alice better. The servants were surprised but pleased. Nanny Potts had nearly suffered apoplexy over it.

Gabe did it all without complaining. Well, withouttoomuch complaining. But would he have done any of it of his own free will?

“He’s only doing it because of me,” Helena quietly admitted to herself. “He doesn’t have a choice.”

“What do you mean?”

Letting out a long sigh, Helena crossed the yellow drawing room to the tea service sitting on the low table between two beautiful white and gold striped settees. She loved this room, with its bright yellow and cream colors, and Gabe had insisted that she claim it for herself. So she had, her own private space where she could work, entertain, or simply do nothing at all but sit in front of the carved ivory fireplace and relax. She had been more grateful for that than he would ever know, but had he offered the space because he truly cared about her and wanted to please her, or because it was merely a perfunctory gesture to a future wife, no matter who she was? Oh, the wondering would drive her mad! Yet she knew one terrible truth for certain…

“I made him agree to spend time with Alice,” she confessed as she reached for a fresh cup of tea. “I said I wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t.”

With a touch of embarrassment, and not looking up from her cup as she slowly added a dollop of honey, she explained her Rules of Engagement that she had forced Gabe to sign…and the reason why. There was no point in hiding her doubts about the future from Verity. After all, Gabe’s aunt was on her side when it came to having a marriage based on love and to helping Gabe accept Alice as if she truly was his own child.

But when Helena listened to herself explain what she had done, she couldn’t help but be embarrassed by her machinations. Yet she’d been desperate to make Gabe feel any kind of love again.

“And that’s why he has been spending so much time with Alice lately,” Helena finished and deflated like a balloon onto the settee. “Including buying a pony and teaching her how to ride.”

“Riding lessons were on your list, too?”

“Number nine.” She shrugged. “Knowing how much Gabe loves horses, I thought it would give them something in common.”

Verity refilled her own tea cup and sat on the settee across from Helena. “Well, at least you didn’t ask him to teach her to fish.”

Helena winced.Thatwas number fourteen. “You must think me a terrible person.”

“Not at all. You did it out of love for Gabe and Alice.”

“Yes.” Or at least that was the lie she told herself. She had come to believe it wasn’t only Gabe’s love for Alice that she truly wanted now, and with it, proof that he would be able to love any children they would have together.

No, her foolish heart also wanted his love for herself. Unable to meet Verity’s gaze, she whispered, “Does it make me terribly manipulative?”

“Does it truly matter the impetus if the outcome is helping Gabriel? Given what you two have been through, that seems very generous of you.”

“I suppose.” Yet the tea tasted like vinegar on her tongue when she took a sip. There wasn’t enough honey in all of England to sweeten away the bitterness of the past. “He doesn’t trust me, just as he didn’t trust Clarissa,” she admitted quietly. “He can’t seem to realize I’m not her.”

“Trust me, my dear.” She affectionately squeezed Helena’s arm. “He knows exactly who you are. Yet don’t hope for too much too quickly,” Verity cautioned. “Clarissa tortured him for nearly four years. You have only four weeks.”

No. Now, she had little more than two. But Helena couldn’t give up or give in. Too much was at stake, and not just the happiness of her marriage but also a little girl’s heart. The one true innocent in the events of the past five years was Alice, and she, more than anyone, deserved to be loved.

A knock sounded at the door.

“Come,” Lady Verity called out.

The door opened, and Nanny Potts shuffled inside. Her plump figure dressed all in gray, except for her white cap and apron, marked a stark contrast to the bright room around her. She curtsied stiffly to Verity, then turned and gave a shallow bob to Helena.

“Nanny Potts.” Verity smiled at her. “What a pleasant surprise. What can we do for you?”

She folded her hands in front of her and focused her eyes on the small fire in the fireplace between the two settees. Helena suspected it was so she wouldn’t have to look directly at either woman. “I was hoping to have a word with you, my lady.” Then her gaze drifted to Helena before darting back to the fireplace. “Alone.”

“Miss Sinfell will soon be mistress of Grangely Park,” Verity reminded her gently. “There’s nothing that cannot be said in front of her.”

Clearly, that assurance didn’t ease the nanny’s hesitations, yet she conceded with a sigh. “Yes, my lady.”

Helena sat forward and gave the woman her most welcoming smile. “I hope you’re enjoying your freedom this afternoon without Lady Alice.”

“Actually, miss, I feel at a bit of a loss as how to fill my time.” Her reply was surprisingly blunt. “Normally, Lady Alice is at my side, as a charge should be.” Her nose rose slightly. “I take my position very seriously.”

“Of course you do.” Helena’s smile faded. “I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”