Page 74 of The Duke's Only Desire

“By returning to the past.” He raked his fingers through his hair, his hand shaking violently. “I willnevergo back there.” He bit back a silent curse. “You don’t understand what you’re asking of me.”

She crawled to the edge of the bed and reached out to touch his robe. “Then help me to. Don’t shut me out, Shay. We’ve come too far and put too much trust in each other to turn away from each other now.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and squeezed shut his eyes. A small gesture, yet one of the most vulnerable and defensive she’d ever seen him make.

“Talk to me,” she pleaded in a whisper barely louder than a breath.

“What do you want to hear? That everything about that night still haunts me? It does. Every time I close my eyes to sleep, I dream of that night. Every time I walk into a barn and smell hay, grain, leather, horses—” He shook his head. “It took me years before I stopped walking through the outbuildings every night at sunset to make certain all the lanterns had been extinguished…before I stopped seeing John’s face in every crowd or passing rider. Before I stopped cringing at my own reflection every time I looked in a mirror because it was undeniable proof of the crimes I’d committed.” He gestured angrily at his washstand near the window. “Ask Pearson what a struggle it was when I first allowed him to shave me again—rather, to shave onlyhalfa face because my right side will never grow a beard again.”

Sophie said nothing. His pain had become hers, but they had to exorcise the ghosts of the past before they could save their future.

He gestured toward the window and the last vestiges of the dark night beyond. “And you want me to find the woman whowas the only other witness to those events, to the hell of that night and the destruction it wreaked, not just to my life but to others…John, my father—perhaps even that woman. Do we really want to force her demons out into the light as well as our own?”

“Yes,” she answered in a hoarse whisper, her heart breaking for him. “If it means saving your life and our marriage, then yes, I will dowhateverit takes, including forcing her to testify…including begging your friends for help.”

His somber eyes met hers in silent disagreement.

“Let me be clear, Seamus Douglass,” she said forcefully, rising up on her knees on the mattress to bring her eyes level with his. She wanted no misunderstanding about this, would brook no more argument from him. “I am going to do this, whether you want me to or not. You’ve always protected me before.” Her voice lowered to a rasping plea. “This time, let me protect you.”

For a long moment, he didn’t move, his eyes fixed on hers. Then he nodded solemnly, the small surrender enough to surge a hopeful joy through her.

But she wasn’t a fool. She knew how hard the war ahead would be. But tonight, at least, she’d won the battle, even if a larger war was to come, and she would take her victories however she could get them.

“I could never deny you anything,” he drawled, untied his banyan, and climbed back into bed with her. He crawled up her body as she sank down onto her back on the feather mattress and velvet covers, the gleam in his eyes simply predacious. “So tell me your desires, my love, and I will grant every one.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and arched up to kiss him.