Page 70 of A Relentless Rake

“There’s no forgiving the sins he committed.” She reassuringly squeezed his arm, as if she truly knew and understood…yet she didn’t. Neither did his mother or aunt. They simply couldn’t. “But I also know that some people have perfectly good reasons for creating new lives for themselves and burying their pasts. Pasts thatshouldbe buried.”

He forced out around the knot in his throat, “And how many people are allowed to be deceived in the process? How many lies allowed to be told?”How much pain forced on others to endure?

“Oh, Alec.” Her face darkened with grief. For him. “The world isn’t nearly as simple as you want it to be.”

He almost laughed. “I know that.”

“Then why aren’t you more forgiving?” The concern on her face undid him. “You forgive strangers all the time for their weaknesses, but when it comes to the people you care about, you hold them to an impossibly higher standard. When you love them, you don’t—”

She cut herself off, and her fingers dug hard into his arm as her mouth fell open wide. Her eyes flicked across the room to Olivia, then back to search his face, then back to Olivia…

“Oh my goodness,” she whispered.

Aggravation surged inside him. “What’s the matter?”

“Oh. My. Goodness.” Her hand shot up to her mouth, and she blurted out between her fingers— “You’re in love with Olivia Everett!”

His head snapped back as if she’d slapped him. “I am not—” They were drawing attention, especially Olivia’s. He took her arm to pull her closer and lowered his voice. “I am not in love with that woman.”

Yet even as he said the words, he couldn’t keep from watching Olivia as she slipped away with her two charges toward the terrace to take a break from the stifling heat of the crowded room. Even from this far away, he could feel her presence like the intensity of a summer storm.

“That explains everything.”

His eyes darted back to Beth, and he scowled. From the way she continued to gape at him, she hadn’t believed a word he’d said. “It explains nothing because it damned well isn’t true.” How could he be in love with a woman when he didn’t even know who she truly was?

“Yes, everything—why you danced with her only once at the ball, why you ignored her at the tea, why you’re so angry with her again tonight…”

He forced a laugh. “That’s evidence ofdislike,imp. Not love.”

She shook her head. “You care about her. That’s why you’re pushing her away.” Her shoulders sagged, and with that came the look of pity he’d been dreading. “Oh, Alec…”

“I donotlove Olivia Everett.” He tolerated her to find leads for his mission, he followed her to stay close to her brother, he lusted after her, both her mind and body—hell, he would even admit that he’d missed that haughty schoolmistress demeanor of hers.

Butlove? Ludicrous.

“That’s a very good thing, then.” Beth flitted her fan to hide the surprise—and that damnable pity—showing on her face. “Because if you did, you would have to admit that no one is perfect and that we all have secrets worth hiding. And if you did that, you might just have to start forgiving people.” She paused meaningfully, and her eyes found his over her fan. “Beginning with yourself.”

With an impetuous kiss to his cheek, she left him to rejoin her group of friends.

Alec swallowed down a curse and turned on his heel to stalk away.

Beth had no idea of the true sins their father had committed or how Alec had been culpable in hiding them.Had to.If Rupert Sinclair’s deeds were ever revealed, it would mean the end of the earldom, the destruction of the family’s reputation, the Sinclair ladies cut off completely from society and forced to live as outcasts.

Hiding what his father had done had nearly been Alec’s undoing, a guilt from which he never thought he’d recover. Yet he had, clawing his way through the darkness to survive, not for his own sake but for that of his family.

And now he was supposed to simply ignore all the pain that those lies and deceit had caused andforgive?

From the time Alec had left home for the army, he’d been so sure about the world. He’d judged everyone and either accepted or condemned based upon the lessons his father had taught him. Brutal, harsh lessons…but then, hadn’t the world proven itself to be nothing but brutality and harshness? All the death and destruction he’d witnessed on the Continent had simply confirmed his suspicions.

Until he’d met Olivia. When his well-ordered existence turned upside down.

Knowing what he knew now, was he still so certain that the world could be divided into black and white, into sinners and saints? Especially now that he had no idea anymore into which group he himself belonged?

It was damned well time he found out.

Pulling in a determined breath, he tossed back the last of his wine and marched toward the terrace.

Eighteen