Page 63 of A Relentless Rake

“A revolutionary?”

“Honest.” He punctuated that with the thud of the crystal glass to the desktop. Then he leaned toward her on his palms and brought his face level with hers. “Indiscretions and wanton intimacies I can understand. Hell, I’m part of English society. They’re practically a requirement in my world.” His eyes locked with hers. “But I won’t tolerate deception. Not from myself, not from friends or family, not from—” He broke off.Not from the women I care about. “Not from you.”

Confusion danced across her face. “I never lied to—”

“You’ve lied to the whole world.” He gestured a frustrated hand to indicate the city around them. “You’re pretending to be something you’re not, and you’re making your living on that lie.”

She stilled, except for her lips, which parted slightly. To her credit, she didn’t insult either of them by asking what he meant.

“You talk of deception…” Her voice was so soft that he could barely hear it, but her distress was unmistakable. “When I met you, you were hiding your identity behind a mask. I don’t even know which man you truly are.”

“Both.” And all of him still wanted her.

He flopped down onto his desk chair and kicked his long legs out in front of him, then crossed them at the ankles in a casual pose that belied the feelings of betrayal simmering inside him. Never had he felt this kind of emotional churning about a woman before. But then, never had a woman gotten under his skin the way Olivia had.

Yet it was more than just physical craving for her that tore so desperately at him. If that was all, he’d have hunted down a widow or bored society wife who would have welcomed him into her bed, exhausted himself in her, and purged Olivia from his life.

No, what had him so frustrated, so furious at himself was that he wantedallof her, not just her body. He wanted to experience the brilliance of her mind, that intriguing smile and quick wit. Her selfless kindness. The wild fearlessness that led her into the dark alley and into his life in the first place. That same wild fearlessness that led her into his arms tonight.

But how much of her was real, how much only pretense?

He reached for his glass to focus his attention anywhere but on her face. “You came here to accuse me of attempting to seduce you to get what I wanted.” He traced his fingertips around its rim, then lost the battle and lifted his gaze to hers. “How do I know you weren’t attempting to do the same?”

Her eyes flared, their storm-tossed depths churning a brilliant blue. At that moment, they were fierce and dark yet more lovely than he’d ever seen them. “I would never give myself to a man who could be so easily manipulated.”

He tightened his jaw, having no idea what to believe about her. “Then what did you hope to gain from this evening? Money? Favors?” Unable to resist any longer the wounded animal howling inside him, he lifted the glass and drawled, “Another attempt at marriage?”

“Exactly what I received,” she answered so low he almost couldn’t hear. “To be close to you, and nothing more.”

He immediately regretted his accusing words. “Olivia, I never—”

“You’re a hypocrite.” Her hands clenched into tiny fists at her sides, but her eyes never left his as she challenged in a hoarse breath, “You’ve made a reputation for yourself by drinking, gambling, and bedding women, yet you judge me.”

“I did do those things,” he admitted. “For years, I did nothing but work to create the most notorious, scandalous name possible for myself.”

“Why?”

“Because I never wanted to be anything like my father.” He lifted the empty glass in a mocking toast to the bastard. “Pious, respectable… After all, if he was going to accuse me of being a bad son, shouldn’t I actually have been doing the things he accused me of?”

Wisely, she didn’t answer.

“Nothing was off-limits in those days. Drinking anything put in front of me and in the greatest quantities I could get. Gambling at every hell that would offer me credit on my family name. Starting all kinds of fights for no reason and bribing my way out of gaol whenever the watch or local constable was brave enough to arrest me. Bedding every woman who was willing to lift her skirts, both widows and wives, and sometimes both at the same time.” Stunned surprise registered in her eyes, but he couldn’t stop the confession now that it was spilling freely. “I was sixteen, not even old enough for university, yet I could start the most wicked rumors imaginable simply by walking down the street.”

She swallowed hard at that information, and her throat undulated. Even now, he wanted to place his mouth against her neck to feel that soft movement against his lips.

“But I never once tried to hide what I was doing or lie about it. Just as I haven’t lied about trying to change my ways since my father died and to become a truly respectable man.” Because once more, he found himself never wanting to be anything like his father. The irony would have been laughable if it wasn’t so terrible. “Ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you exactly who I am. Not some pretense of who I want the world to think I am, but the man Itrulyam.”

But all kinds of ghosts still haunted him despite every attempt to be the complete opposite of his father.

He raised his gaze to Olivia. Perhaps they always would.

“You have every right, just as I have, to give yourself to whomever you choose. But you’ve pretended to be something you’re not. You’ve lied to everyone.” He paused to keep the anger and pain from this voice. “And you’ve lied to me.” The brutal truth tore from him as he admitted, “I have no idea what to believe about you. And I have no idea if I can trust you.”

“You can,” she said with as much determination as her trembling voice allowed. But the fight in her had been replaced by anguish, and the blazing blue of her eyes had dulled to a watery gray. “My past isn’t important.”

More than she knew.He stared down into his glass, unwilling to meet her gaze. “How many people have you misled? How many people have you hurt because of it?”

He’d wanted her to be the woman she portrayed to the world. He’d wanted her to be a saint to his sinner, to redeem him of his transgressions and free him from the ghosts that still haunted him.